TED演讲之心灵的世界:抑郁,我们各自隐藏的秘密(2)
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If you told me that I'd have to be depressed for the next month,
如果你告诉我，我会在接下来的一个月里一直抑郁
I would say, "As long I know it'll be over in November, I can do it."
我会说，“只要一个月之后不抑郁了我就可以接受。”
But if you said to me, "You have to have acute anxiety for the next month,"
但如果你告诉我，“你会在接下来的一个月里严重焦虑。”
I would rather slit my wrist than go through it.
那么我宁可割腕也不愿意忍受
It was the feeling all the time
这是一种持续的感觉
like that feeling you have if you're walking and you slip or trip
就好像你走在路上滑倒了或者绊倒了
and the ground is rushing up at you,
地面猛冲向你的感觉
but instead of lasting half a second, the way that does, it lasted for six months.
但这种感觉不是半秒钟，而是持续6个月
It's a sensation of being afraid all the time but not even knowing what it is that you're afraid of.
这是一种时时刻刻感到惧怕，却不知道自己在惧怕什么的感觉
And it was at that point that I began to think that it was just too painful to be alive,
就在那时我开始想活着太痛苦了
and that the only reason not to kill oneself was so as not to hurt other people.
人不自杀的唯一原因是因为不想伤害身边的人
And finally one day, I woke up and I thought perhaps I'd had a stroke,
终于有一天，我醒来的时候，我觉得我可能中风了
because I lay in bed completely frozen, looking at the telephone, thinking,
因为我躺在床上整个人是完全僵硬的，我看着电话，心想
"Something is wrong and I should call for help,"
“不好了，我该打电话求助。”
and I couldn't reach out my arm and pick up the phone and dial.
但我没办法伸出手去，没有办法拿到电话来拨号
And finally, after four full hours of my lying and staring at it, the phone rang,
终于，在我躺在那盯着电话整整四小时之后，电话铃响了
and somehow I managed to pick it up, and it was my father,
我不记得自己怎么拿到的电话，是我父亲打来的
and I said, "I'm in serious trouble. We need to do something."
我说，“我现在遇到大麻烦了，我们必须做点什么。”
The next day I started with the medications and the therapy.
第二天我开始吃药，开始接受治疗
And I also started reckoning with this terrible question:
与此同时我开始思考一个可怕的问题
If I'm not the tough person
如果我不是那种坚强到
who could have made it through a concentration camp, then who am I?
即使被送去集中营也可以存活下来的人，那么我是谁呢？
And if I have to take medication,
如果我需要吃药的话
is that medication making me more fully myself, or is it making me someone else?
那么药物是让我变得更像自己，还是让我更不像自己？
And how do I feel about it if it's making me someone else?
如果会让我变得像别人，那么我又如何感觉到这点呢？
I had two advantages as I went in to the fight.
在这个抗争的过程中我有两个优势
The first is that I knew that, objectively speaking,
首先是我很清楚，客观地说
I had a nice life, and that if I could only get well,
我有一个不错的生活条件，如果我能好起来
there was something at the other end that was worth living for.
那么最终是会有一些东西值得我去为之而活的
And the other was that I had access to good treatment.
另外一点就是我能接受好的治疗
But I nonetheless emerged and relapsed,
但我却不知为何,好转了又复发
and emerged and relapsed, and emerged and relapsed,
又好转，又复发，再好转，再复发
and finally understood I would have to be on medication and in therapy forever.
最后我才意识到，我必须一辈子依赖药物以及治疗
And I thought, "But is it a chemical problem or a psychological problem?
于是我想，“但这到底是一个化学问题还是一个心理问题？
And does it need a chemical cure or a philosophical cure?"
这到底需要化学疗法还是心理疗法呢？”
And I couldn't figure out which it was.
我无法找到问题的答案
And then I understood that actually,
然后我明白了
we aren't advanced enough in either area for it to explain things fully.
事实上我们对这两个领域的了解都还不够，都还不足以完全弄清真相
演讲简介：
抑郁的反面不是快乐, 而是活力. 而抑郁的时候, 我们变得死气沉沉. 在这次深刻而颠覆性地演讲中, 作家安德鲁·所罗门将我们带入了与抑郁抗争的那段日子中, 他思想中最深谙的角落. 抑郁的经历让他开始环游世界寻找并采访其他的抑郁症患者——结果他发现, 随着他演讲次数的增多, 越来越多的人开始跟他分享自己的故事。
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