OWNED BY PARROT01

Ever since the dawning of the history of mankind, there have been myriads of diversifed inventions, discoveries, and even explorations of the mysteries of the universe. In fact, the human beings are so intelligent that we have solved almost all kinds of problems we have confronted with .

However, nobody has ever made out what the word “love” really connotes, not even the most famous people such as great politicians, saints and philosophers can clarify the meaning of “love”, neither can they deal with the various affairs concerning love. Love is like a huge boundless net that shrouds us all in. We can neither break away from it nor escape from it. Like it or not, we are always entangled in it. It is an invisible net without any form, that shrouds in different people from different angels; It is a merciless net that upsets us or even tortures us to death. It is also a supreme net which almost no human can surpass. Even if they are heroes, emperors, wise men or saints, they can do nothing but show their helplessness in its face. Those who can breathe through the holes of the net should be regarded beyond commonness and vulgarity. Love can bring us temporary comfort and happiness, but mostly they bring about annoyance and sufferings. Maybe this is the reason why many people have seen through the illusions of the mortal world. However it is not so easy to break away from this boundless, ever-existing and indifferent net of love.

Love is varied and changeable, but roughly it can be divided into three categories: family love, fraternal love and amatory love. Not like Monkey King who jumped out of the rocks, we were all born after mother’s pregnancy of about nine months, hence we have countless relatives without any choice: parents, grand-parents, and grand-parents-in-law, uncles and aunties, brothers and sisters, etc. and once looking at the genealogical tree, we’ll see no end. Family love is what everyone longs for, but the warmth and support from our beloved ones are what everyone yearns for the most. But how many of us are determined to contribute to our beloved one? And how many don’t expect repayment and relaxed. conscience even if they have the desire and preparation to contribute to their beloved. The distance between relatives is different and so are their expectations. But since it’s very difficult to know how much we should expect, a lot of worries and distresses emerge.

Parents always expect their children to show their filial obedience, or at least pay them frequent visits after they have got married. If the children fail to do this, they feel hurt and upset, and they’ll even complain about their children, because they just can’t understand why their children don’t care about them after what they have done for the children for so many years to bring them up. Nevertheless, one’s experience determines his ideology. Young children are naturally attached to their parents, but when they grow up, specially when they have made their own friends, and got married, what they need most is independence and freedom, and parents sometimes might become their burden. Once there is generation gap, it becomes more difficult to communicate and this keeps them away from their parents. Objectively speaking, they need more independence in order to achieve success. In the present society, what the children want to have most is the economic support from their parents, not their moral support or guidance. They would complain if your economic support is not up to their expectations. The love from uncles and aunties would naturally dwindle after they have had their own children. Only the love from grand-parents and grand parents-in-law is pure and demands no repayment, and they are also too old to wait for any repayment. As for the distant relatives, their love depends on their needs, just as the old saying goes “The poor have no friends even if they live in downtown while the rich have distant relatives even if they live in deep mountains”. Granny Liu, a distant kinsfolk, in A Dream of the Red Mansions , claims kinship with the wealthy Jia family, thinking that she may benefit from it in some ways. Liu might have run away without any traces if the Jia family had been a poor one. Another saying goes “Close neighbors are better than distant relatives.” The most difficult is to manage the relatives when doing business together, just as what the TV series program Liu Laogen discloses. It is all right to stay poor together, but as soon as the business grows prosperous, the group will become estranged and even dissolve because of the unfair distribution. Family love is like a maze which we shouldn’t go too far into it, otherwise, we’ll surely get lost. Love is a bilateral matter and unilateral love can only lead you to nowhere in spite of your good intentions. Family love is, sometimes, like an arranged marriage, leaving no choices to you. Due to the different experiences and tastes, staying together temporarily can be entertaining, while living together for a long time can only be boring due to the lack of common interest and understanding. How can we communicate with each other without understanding? Parents have the duty to support the children who are not yet economically independent, and children have the responsibility to provide for the elderly parents who are lack of economic abilities to support themselves. Except these two kinds of duties which we must fulfill, other kinds of love become conventional formalities such as paying visit to the sick or the dead and giving presents to the newly-born etc..

No love among relatives has become a normal phenomenon which needn’t to be fussed about. What’s worse is when love is contaminated by money. Sooner or later we will get hurt. The sooner we get out of this net of love, the more we can preserve beautiful memories.

We are not living in vacuum, and the society is formed of various kinds of people. As long as we want to live, study, or work, we have to contact, communicate and cooperate with others. Those who enjoy common interests, mutual understanding, common undertakings and common benefits become friends.

Some friends are called fair-weather friends, because they are together just for entertaining themselves by eating, drinking, and gossiping. Once there’s nothing to eat and drink, their friendship is finished. Some are spiritual friends who share common ambitions, pursuits and education. “They enjoy talking and laughing with the great talents and never make friends with the good-for-nothings”. The best examples would be Yu Boya and Zhong ziqi of the ancient times who are famous not only for their lofty music but mainly for their lofty characters and mutual understanding and appreciation. They cared very little about material wealth, so their friendship is known as “gentlemen’s friendship as pure as water”. The third type of friendship belong to those who show their utter devotion to each other. They are ready not only to share weal and woe but also to die for each other, like the three brothers Liu, Guan and Zhang in the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms. . We all wish to have this kind of friendship, but it’s of great difficulty for the ordinary people to be as devoted as they were.

Fraternal love or friendship is wide-ranged and flexible. Generally speaking, everyone is our friend, just as Chairman Mao says “Our friends are all over the world”. But transcend age, sex, nationality, state and economic conditions. To them the most important is common benefit, common interest and understanding. Friendship is formed during the course of studying, working and fighting. The battle companions who have survived many hazards usually enjoy long-lasting friendship.

However, fraternal love is not stable. Being away for too a long time, losing all common benefits, friends will become estranged. Once their interest has changed, they no longer understand each other, and even this would harm friendship. At all times and in all countries, many close friends and battle companions who once worked together and fought together became enemies in the end. Quiet a few of the emperors in ancient China even killed those who had helped them found their dynasties. The Taiping Heavenly Kingdom would not have failed if it hadn’t been for the contending and massacring among the those who first rose in rebellion at the beginning of the uprising. What else we need to pay attention to is that some friends, after being away from each other for too long a time, have lost so much of their original characters that when meeting again, you will feel that you are still the same as you were, while they are no longer themselves. They may have the same feeling about you, so sometimes it’s better not to meet each other again. As the Chinese proverb goes “friendship can not last for three years and flowers can not stay in blossom for three months”. It’s not so easy to maintain real friendship which needs mutual understanding, tolerance and sacrifice. Any kinds of harsh treatment will damage friendship.

Amatory love has been a mystery for ages. There’s neither a criterion to judge nor a common rule to follow. Nobody can tell the exact reasons why love emerges. It is not always because of beauty (the ugly doorkeeper Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame is loved by the beautiful Gypsy girl Esmeralda), nor kindness (Hitler also has his mistress), nor wisdom ( even the blockhead may sometimes marry a beautiful girl), nor strength (some love starts from sympathy). True love is like getting an electric shock, shaking our soul. It is a sweet dream, a kind of intoxication, indulgence, and endless passion.

True love doesn’t need a long time to grow up, to make clear the family tree of the other, neither does it needs the time to look ahead and behind again and again. Love is not marriage, which usually starts from love, but doesn’t always depend on love to maintain. Long-lasting marriage can eventually turn into a kind of family love, a kind of companionship which preserves the companion but loses the passion. Love is often an wink of the eye, or a smile that hints mutual understanding. In spite of the great distance between them, people may fall in love incidentally. Hence the saying “a distant marriage is tied up with a mysterious thread”. Love needs passion, and it can stand bumps and stumbles, ups and downs, complaints and blames. When it turns into a pool of water, especially dead water, without any billows or waves, it’s time for it to die.

Delicacies are tasty, but eating everyday can still make one lose appetite. Happiness is what everyone longs for, but too much happiness can spoil people who may not care about the happiness they already have. It’s universal to live in happiness without knowing it. The same is true with love. Very few people can love the same person passionately all their lives. All love stories come to an end no matter how beautiful they are, which also demonstrate the changeability of love. What one has been chasing wildly may turn into something one wants to get rid of desperately in the end. Besides, love is usually blind, especially those who fall in love at the first sight. At the very beginning, both try to demonstrate their beautiful side and cover up their Weakness. Fooled by the mysterious color of love, one often mistakes the weaknesses as merits. However, as time passes by, frequent contacts make one bored, and even merits become defects, and then the end of love is coming. What’s more, there are the capricious men and women who never take love seriously, leaving the devoted ones suffering alone. The saying that the devoted is always abandoned by the heartless has almost become the truth of love affairs. What we can’t neglect is that love may turn into hatred, and lovers may also become enemies. The best proof is the numerous divorces.

Even though true love is hard to find nowadays, we still can see some true and infatuated boys and girls who readily give up their families, their parents, their studies, their careers and even their lives for love. They love so passionately, crazily and wildly that they hate anyone who is against their love, and may even harm or kill him if he insists on his objection.

Love has magical power that can exploit people’s potential abilities, bring people’s positive factors into full play, and provide people with the courage to face trials and hardships, to go through life and death, and even to risk universal condemnation. Even in the ancient feudal society, some people were courageous enough to carry on clandestine love affairs. The examples in point were the courageous ones who dared to love the concubines of the emperors or the children of their foes. Love also has miraculous power which can startle the universe and move the gods by attracting the heavenly celestials coming down to earth ( The Love Story of the Cowboy and the Weaving Girl ), and by turning ghosts into human ( Strange Tales of Liao-zhai ). Love can transcend age and generation (Dr. Sun Yat-sen and Madam Song Qingling; Luxun and Xu Guangping). love can show contempt for all conventions and prejudices; love can heal wounds and cure diseases, and love can readjust people’s state of mind. Of course, the result would be the opposite once it hurts.

Great men yearn for true love even more than ordinary people. Since the ancient times, so many heroes couldn’t help falling into the trap of love that the sex-trap has been regarded as one of the 36 stratagems in military tactics. Fuchai, the king of the Wu State, couldn’t be spared of this trap, and Generals Dongzhuo and Lubu fell deeply into it while Xiangyu, the King of the Western Chu State , bid farewell to his beloved concubine in tears. People may have to pay very high price, even their illustrious name for the love they long for even though it may last for only a very short time. Nonetheless no one can tear himself away from love. People often say that their earthly affinity is not yet finished, but in fact it is the love affinity that is the most difficult to finish.

Love is shapeless and priceless. We can blame nobody when captured by it. Love can not be forced, nor can it be pretended. Sympathy is not love, neither is gratitude. Love must be generated from the heart, and expressed in actions. It can not be called love without passions and a deep longing from the bottom of the heart. There’s no impassable gulf between family love and fraternal love. Some family love may turn into friendship. At the same time, natural barriers doesn’t exist either between fraternal love and amatory love. Some friendship may develop into amatory love. The same is true with amatory love which may change into family love after a long time of mutual grinding and polishing.The closer the relationship, and the higher the expectations are, the more difficult it is to get along with each other. Family love, fraternal love and amatory love are three main human feelings. If handled well, they can bring us extreme happiness, while handled improperly, will bring us great sufferings.

The present society is a world of dazzling money and dwindling human feeling contacts. Most people hold a snobbish attitude. They only make friends with people of wealth and of high social status. Just as Zhen Shiyen said in his expounding of the song “All Good Things Must End” in A Dream of the Red Mansions “While men with gold and silver by the chest, turn beggars scorned by all and dispossessed”. Frankly speaking, however, if we regard money the first thing in whichever one of the three kinds of loves, it will depreciate and even become worthless.

Love can not pretend, nor can it tolerate too much selfish motives. It is reported that an old man in Jiangsu Province left his million Yuan heritage to his young housekeeper instead of his own children, because his own children didn’t take care of him while the young housekeeper accompanied him through his last lonely and helpless years.

Love is easily perceivable and perceptible. Flattery words may be cheatable, but true love and false feelings can easily be distinguished. If the people you love only know how to spend your money, you should be careful of them. Everyone can help you spend your money if you give them the chance. Never turn your love into the slave of money.

Love should be selfless, and feelings should be sincere. We shouldn’t judge our feelings according to the distance of the relationship. Everyone treasures love and nobody can fool himself or the others. A Chinese saying goes: real heroes yearn even more for true love, and great men cherish tender love for their children.

We are the saint on earth, and should treasure our love, but we should know how much is good and where to stop. Since there’s no ever-lasting banquet, nor is there an endless love story, we should take the gains and losses of love with perfect composure. There’s fragrant grass in every corner of the earth, and you can always find your love in this world.

Translated by Zhang Baodan

June 20, 2004

中文

人类几千年，有过许多的发明创造，有过许多的新奇发现，现在又在探索宇宙的奥秘，但始终搞不懂的就是一个“情”字。包括那些中外的名人、伟人、圣人，一切先哲们，都说不清“情为何物”，都处理不好与情相关的种种事务。情就好比一张无边无际的网、如影随形的网，走到哪里都被它罩着。挣又挣不脱，躲又躲不了，欢喜也罢，厌烦也罢，总得被纠缠。这是一张无形的网，没有固定轮廓，会从不同的角度，以不同的方式去网住不同的人。这又是一张无情的网，不仅会让你不开心，甚至可以把人蹂躏致死。这又是一张至高无上的网，天地间几乎无人能超越它。能在这张网上开出一个小天窗，那已经是超凡脱俗了。无论什么英雄、皇帝，无论什么智者、圣贤，在情网之中都表现得无奈和束手无策。情，也许会给人们短暂的欣慰和幸福，但带给人们更多的是烦心和苦恼。这也正是许多人想脱离、想看破红尘的主要根源。但这种无边无际、无时无地、无责无义的网，岂是轻易甩得开的。

情有千种万种，也可千变万化，但归纳起来无非有三，即亲情、友情、爱情。

我们都不是孙悟空，不能从石头里蹦出来。我们要经过母亲的十月怀胎，被动地生下来。于是我们无从选择地有了众多的亲戚：父母、祖父母、外祖父母、五叔、六舅、七大姑、八大姨，兄弟姐妹，包括表兄弟姐妹等，数不清。如果续上家谱，宗亲之间更无尽无休了。

亲情是人们渴望的，但更多的是渴望从亲情中得到温暖和支持。有多少是立志为亲情奉献的呢？即便有奉献的向往和境界，又有多少在奉献之后不求回报和心理平衡的呢？亲情之间彼此距离不都一样，期望值也相差很大。但这个度到底是多少，很难把握，一切的烦恼和苦痛也由此而生。

父母总是希望孩子听话、孝顺，至少能常回家看看。如果不能呢？那就会伤心、难过，甚至抱怨。父母潜意识里总认为，我把你们供养大，没有功劳、也有苦劳，怎么能不在意我呢？但存在决定意识。孩子们小的时候固然特别依恋也依赖父母，但长大以后，特别是有了朋友、成了家，更多需要的是独立和宽松，父母有时确实成为负担。如果有代沟，交流有了困难，对父母也会更多的回避。客观地说，他们要成长为栋梁之材，也确实需要更多的独立发展。目前社会，儿女更多希望的是父母经济上的援助，而不是他们精神及生活方面的指导。经济慷慨不达标，也会抱怨。至于姑姑、叔叔、舅舅、姨娘，在有了自己的孩子后，这亲情自然会淡薄的。唯有祖父母、外祖父母对隔辈人的宠爱是纯真和不求回报的。他们的年龄也等不到回报。说到远亲，那就看需要。就如俗语所说：穷在闹市无人问，富在深山有远亲。《红楼梦》里的刘姥姥，就是个八杆子打不着的远亲，看到贾府有油水，就来攀亲。如果穷呢？那就不知刘姥姥会在哪了。远亲不如近邻。如果是做事业，亲戚在一起干最难管理。电视剧《刘老根》揭示得很深刻。穷还好办，发达了一定会因为分配不均而疏远、甚至[你阅读的文章来自:范文先生www.fwsir.com]散伙。亲情是个迷宫，不要进入太深，否则会找不到出去的门。感情不是一厢情愿的事，即便本意善良，出发点是好的，由于分寸难拿，仍然会踏上不归路。其实亲情有时好比一个包办婚姻，你没有选择，也无从选择。大家由于经历和生活品味不一样，短暂相聚，还能热热闹闹，长期相处可能会没共同情趣、没有共同语言。语言不通怎么交流？除了父母对经济尚未独立的子女有抚养义务，子女对年老又经济乏力的父母有赡养义务，必须履行外，有些亲情，已变成生老病死的一种敷衍。是亲戚而无亲情的许多现象，都很正常，不必大惊小怪。如果亲情里沾上了铜臭，那就更不值得留恋了，裂痕只是早晚。迈步抽身早，还可留存一点美好的回忆。

人不是生活在真空里。人们要生活、要学习、要工作、要干事业。人类是个群体。你总要和一些人们接触、交流、合作。其中有谈得来的，有共同志趣、共同语言、共同事业和利害关系的，就成了朋友。

友情中，有些仅止于吃吃喝喝，东家长，西家短，干不了什么正事，称为酒肉朋友。有一天没得吃，没得喝，也就各奔东西了。有的属于精神型，彼此有些共同理想、追求，有一定的文化底蕴，所谓“谈笑有鸿儒，往来无白丁”，又如古代的俞伯牙、钟子期，高山流水觅知音。他们对金钱相对要看淡些，因此被誉为“君子之交淡如水”。也有些属于生死之交，彼此肝胆相照、荣辱与共，遇到危难，可以两肋插刀，象《三国演义》中的刘、关、张，誓同生死。人们都希望得到这样的友情，但自己实践起来比较困难。

友情是一个面积宽，伸缩性大的领域。泛谈，都可称朋友，我们的朋友遍天下。细分，真正成为知已的廖廖无几。朋友不分年龄（有忘年之交），朋友不分性别（有异性朋友），朋友不分种族、不分国家、有时也不分穷富。最重要的是有共同的利害关系，有共同的兴趣和语言。友情往往是在学业中、事业中、战斗中形成。那些经历过九死一生的战友，感情尤其深厚和长久。

友情的可变性很大。分别得太久，共同的利害关系没有了，就会日久情疏。由于志趣的变化，共同语言没有了，甚至意见相左，也会破坏友谊。古今中外，许多创业的盟友、战友，最后演化为敌人。中国不少开国之君（朱元璋等）都曾杀过功臣。太平天国如果不是几个共同起事的王者相互争斗残杀，也许不至于半途而废。我们不得不注意到，一些分别得太久的朋友，生活会磨掉了他们的原形。再见面的时候，你会感到你还是你，他已不再是他了。对方也许会有同样的感觉，以致彼此感到见不如不见。人无千日好，花无百日红。维持情深谊厚的友情并不容易，需要相互理解及各自的宽容和牺牲。相互任何的苛求，都会破坏友情。

爱情是个千古之谜。爱情没有划一的标准，没有共通的规律。为什么会产生爱，谁也说不清。并不一定就是美丽（《巴黎圣母院》中丑陋的看门人也有人爱），并不一定就是善良（希特勒也有情妇），并不一定就是智慧（傻人有傻命，赖汉娶花枝），并不一定就是强大（有些爱情始于同情）。真正的爱情给人的是触电的感觉。是一种心灵的震撼，是一种魂牵梦绕，是一种陶醉，是心旷神怡，是乐不思蜀，是无限的激情。

真爱并不一定需要日久生情，并不一定需要查清祖宗三代，甚至来不及瞻前顾后。爱情并不等同于婚姻。虽然婚姻常常因爱情而起，但并不始终靠爱情维持。婚姻由于旷日持久，到后来常常会转化为一种亲情，一种伙伴关系，虽然相知相伴，却丢失了激情。

爱情常常是一个眼神，一个微笑就心有灵犀了。一见钟情是爱情的多发现象。远在天南地北，竟可以因一个偶然而相互期许，所以，才有千里姻缘一线牵的说法。

爱情是需要激情的。因而她不怕磕磕碰碰，不怕起起落落，不怕一时的抱怨和责难。如果真的成了一潭清水、甚至一潭死水，没有波澜，没有浪花，这爱情也就该死亡了。

即便是山珍海味，人们也会吃腻。太多的美好，会把人们宠坏，而不去珍惜。生在福中不知福，是很普遍的。能够激情永远的人，始终是少数。所以无论多么美好的爱情故事，都会讲完。这些都注定了爱情的多变性。曾经狂热追求的，也许是后来想极力摆脱的。况且，许多一见钟情的爱情，都带有盲目性。初起，各自都把最好的方面展示出来，而去掩饰自己的不足。加上爱情的神秘色彩，经常看花眼，缺点也会当优点去容纳。时间久了，接触多了，渐生厌倦，优点也看成了缺点，那就快结束了。更有一些水性杨花、朝三暮四的男男女女，本就把爱情当游戏，认真的一方就吃亏了。多情总被无情弃，是爱情风月场上的真理。最不可疏忽的是，爱可以转变为恨，爱情可转化为敌情。许多离婚案都是有力的证明。真正纯情的男女们，虽然已经不多，但他们真是很舍得。他们为了爱情（也许只是一时的），可以脱离家庭、背叛父母，可以放弃学业、放弃事业、甚至可以殉情。那真是，谁反对跟谁急。也有人爱得痴迷，爱得疯狂、爱得失去理智，竟然会伤人、杀人。

爱情是有一定魔力的。她可以召唤人们的潜能，挖掘人们的力量，调动人们的积极性，让人们在特定的时刻，不怕风雨，不怕艰难，不怕生死，敢冒天下之大不韪。即便在古老的封建社会，人们仍在偷情，正所谓色胆包天。皇帝的妃子也有人敢惹，仇人的子女也一样敢追求。爱不仅具有魔力，还具有神力，能动天地、泣鬼神，把许多看似不可能的各种极端拉在一起。爱可以让天仙下凡（牛郎织女），爱可以让鬼狐成精（聊斋），爱可以跨越年龄和辈份（孙中山和宋庆龄，鲁迅和许广平），爱可以超越世俗和成见。爱可以疗伤、可以治病、可以调解人们的心态。当然，受到爱的伤害也会适得其反。

越是英雄越纵情，英雄难过美人关。自古以来许多英雄豪杰，都因为把握不了自己的方寸而堕入情网，甚至落入温柔陷阱，从而使美人计成为36计中的一计。吴王夫差，未曾幸免。董卓、吕布深陷其中。西楚霸王也挥泪别姬。人们对于爱情的追求，有时只是一刹那，而付出的可能是千千万万，甚至是一世英明。但情又有谁能割舍得了呢？

人们常说，尘缘未了。其实尘缘中最难了断的就是情缘啊！

情无形，也无价。做了俘虏，也怨不得谁。但爱情是不能勉强的，不是任何表面能遮盖的。同情不是爱情，报恩也不是爱情。爱情一定要发乎心，成于行。没有心动，没有神往，不是爱情。

亲情与友情，没有不可逾越的鸿沟。有些亲情可以演绎为友情。友情与爱情也没有天然屏障，个别的友情也会发展为爱情。同样，爱情经过磨合，又有部分会转化为亲情。

人们关系离得太近、期望值增加，就会增加相处的难度。所以无论亲情、友情、爱情，都是难度比较大的人情。相处得好，会有极大的欢欣。分寸把握不好，会带来很大痛苦。能够给你伤害的主要是这三种情感。

目前的社会，金钱耀眼，人情淡薄。人们相交，常常长出一双势力眼。看官位、看金钱。正如《红楼梦》中“好了歌”的注释所说“金满箱，银满箱，转眼乞丐人皆谤。”但我们可以坦言宣告，这三种人情中，无论哪一种把金钱放在首位，都会使情感贬值，甚至会分文不值。

情不能掺假，情不能包藏过多的自私动机。记得电视上报道过江苏的一位老者，死后将价值百万的家产给了小保姆，而不是他的女儿。因为他的女儿不管他，而曾经做过小保姆的女孩陪伴了他最孤独无援的几年。

情是一种感觉、感知的东西。花言巧语，虽可生成迷雾，但真情假意是不难分辨的。如果情感变成只是帮你花钱，就要警惕了，因为全世界的人都能帮你花钱，只要你给他们机会。千万不要把情感变成金钱的奴隶。

爱应该是无私的，情应该是真诚的。无论远、无论近，都不能自欺欺人。无情未必真豪杰，怜子如何不丈夫？我们是天地间的圣者，要懂得珍惜情感，收放有度，得失泰然。

天下没有不散的宴席，天下没有讲不完的故事。天涯何处无芳草，天下谁人不识君？

宋远利

2003/2/12