TED演讲:性暴力的救赎之路(11)
From what I’ve now learnt, my actions that night in 1996 were a self-centered taking.
现在我已经意识到，1996年那个晚上，我作出的是一个以自我为中心的行为。
I felt deserving of Thordis’s body.
我认为我应当得到Thordis的身体。
I’ve had primarily positive social influences and examples of equitable behavior around me.
我身边一直以来主要都是积极的社会影响，以及公平作为的例子，
But on that occasion, I chose to draw upon the negative ones.
但在那个场合，我却选择利用消极的那些。
The ones that see women as having less intrinsic worth,
它们把女性看做有（比男性）更少内在价值，
and of men having some unspoken and symbolic claim to their bodies.
认为男性对女性的身体有着不言自明、象征性的权利。
These influences I speak of are external to me, though.
尽管我提到的这些影响并不来自我本身。
And it was only me in that room making choices, nobody else.
但只有我自己在那个房间里作出了选择，而非其他人。
When you own something and really square up to your culpability, I do think a surprising thing can happen.
当你拥有一些什么让你真正地有决心面对罪恶感时，我认为的确可能发生令人惊讶的事情。
It’s what I call a paradox of ownership. I thought I’d buckle under the weight of responsibility.
这就是我说的拥有所带来的矛盾。我原以为我会背负责任的重担。
I thought my certificate of humanity would be burnt.
我原以为，我人性的证明将付之一炬。
Instead, I was offered to really own what I did, and found that it didn’t possess the entirety of who I am.
相反，我却被给予机会，去真正承认我曾做过的事情，然后发现那并不能完整地体现我是谁。
Put simply, something you’ve done doesn’t have to constitute the sum of who you are. The noise in my head abated.
简单地说，你曾做过的事并不必然会构成你的全部。我脑中的噪音变少。
The indulgent self-pity was starved of oxygen, and it was replaced with the clean air of acceptance
曾经被放纵的自怨自艾，像是极度缺氧，而它却被如清新空气一般的接受所替代，
an acceptance that I did hurt this wonderful person standing next to me;
接受我的确伤害了站在我身边的这位美好的女性；
an acceptance that I am part of a large and shockingly everyday grouping of men who have been sexually violent toward their partners.
接受我同样属于日常生活中一直对伴侣有性暴力的、庞大且令人惊讶的男性的一员。
20年前,他们是一对恋人,当一切看似美好、令人艳羡时，在一次学校舞会后，他竟然强奸了她… 20年后，他们来到TED演讲台坦诚面对过去，讲述这20年来彼此走过的一段漫长的救赎之路。