睡前读首诗 （3）我有一个黑狗
I had a black dog. His name was Depression.
我有一条黑狗，它名叫抑郁。
Whenever the black dog made an appearance, I felt empty and life just seemed to slow down.
每当这条黑狗出现时，我就感到空虚，生活似乎也慢了下来。
He could surprise me with the visit for no reason or occasion.
它总会不分时间、场合的突然出现在我的面前。
The black dog made me look and feel older than my years.
黑狗让我看起来感觉像是一个老人。
When the rest of the world seemed to be enjoying life, I could only see it through the black dog.
当整个世界好像都在享受生活，我却只能与黑狗相伴。
Activities that usually brought me pleasure suddenly ceased to.
那些曾带给我快乐的事情，忽然消失了。
He liked to ruin my appetite. He chewed up my memory and my ability to concentrate.
它喜欢让我失去食欲，它蚕食掉我的记忆力和集中精力的能力。
Doing anything or going anywhere with black dog required superhuman strength.
拖着这条黑狗，无论去哪里或者做什么，都需要超人的力量。
At social occasions, he would sniff out what confidence I had and chase it away.
在社交场合，它总会找出我的自信，将其赶走。
My biggest fear was being found out; I worried that people would judge me.
我最害怕的是被人知道，我担心别人会议论我。
Because of the shame and stigma of the black dog, I was constantly worried about being found out.
由于黑狗带来的羞愧和耻辱，我总是担心被人知道。
So I invested a vast amount of energy into covering him up.
所以我投入很多精力把它藏起来。
Keeping up an emotional life is exhausting!
掩藏情绪的生活让人精疲力竭！
Black dog could make me think or say negative things.
黑狗让我消极的思考和言谈。
He could make me irritable and difficult to be around.
它让我烦躁不安，难于相处。
He would take my love and bury my intimacy.
它夺走了我的爱，埋藏了我的温情。
He loved nothing more than to wake me up with highly repetitive negative thinking.
它最爱在半夜把我唤醒，心中只有那些一直重复的消极念头。
He also liked to remind me how exhausted I was going to be the next day.
它还喜欢提醒我将会面对多么心力交瘁的一天。
Having a black dog in your life is not so much about feeling a bit down, sad or blue.
生活中有一条黑狗，不仅仅是感到一点低落、悲伤或者忧郁。
At its worst, it is about being devoid of feeling altogether.
最糟糕的时候，所有的感觉都会失去。
As I grew older, black dog got bigger and he started hanging around all the time.
我一天天的变老，黑狗一天天的长大，它开始不离我的左右。
I chased them off with whatever I thought might send him running.
我用尽了一切办法，想把它赶走。
But more often than not, he would come out on top.
但获胜的往往是它。
Going down became easier than getting up again.
和重新站起来相比，躺倒变得更容易。
So I became rather good at self medication which never really helped.
所以我成了给自己开药的专家，但从未真的有效过。
Eventually I felt totally isolated from everything and everyone.
最后，我感到自己和整个世界所有人失去了联系。
The black dog had finally succeeded in hijacking my life.
黑狗终于成功绑架了我的生活。
When you lose all joy in life, you can begin to question what the point of it is.
当生活不再有丝毫快乐，你就开始质疑生活的意义。
Thankfully this was time when I sought professional help.
幸运的是，那个时候我寻求了专业的帮助。
This was my first step towards recovery and a major turning point in my life.
那是我迈向康复的第一步，也是我生命的一个转折点。
I learnt that it does not matter who you are, the black dog affects millions and millions of people. It is an equal opportunity mongrel.
我了解到无论是谁，无数的人都在被这条黑狗所侵扰，任何人都机会遇见这条杂种狗。
I also learnt that there was no silver bullet or magic pill.
我还了解到不存在万能灵药或魔法药丸。
Medication can help some and others might need different approach altogether.
药物对部分人有帮助，其它人还要辅以另外的手段。
I also learnt that being emotionally genuine or authentic to those who close to you can be an absolute game changer.
我还了解到，向亲近的人表达出自己的真实感情能起到关键的疗效。
Most importantly I learnt not to be afraid of black dog and taught him a few tricks of my own.
最重要的是，我学会不再害怕黑狗，甚至向它耍了一些自己的花招。
The more tired and stressed you are the louder he barks.
你越是疲劳和紧张，它就叫的越凶。
So it is important to learn how to quiet your mind.
所以学会让自己平静下来很重要。
It’s been clinically proven that regular exercise can be as effective for treating mild to moderate depression as antidepressants.
临床证明，经常锻炼对于缓解轻/中度抑郁的效果不比抗抑郁药差。
So go for a walk or run and leave the mutt behind.
所以去走走，去跑步吧，把这条杂种狗甩在后面。
Keep a mood journal; getting your thoughts on paper can be cathartic and often insightful.
记一份情绪日记，把想法写在纸上是种宣泄，往往也有助于看清问题。
Also keep track of the things you have to be grateful for.
也记录下那些值得感恩的事情。
The most important thing to remember is that no matter how bad it gets, if you take right steps, talk to the right people, black dog days can and will pass.
最重要的是要记住，不管情况变得多么糟糕，只要你走向正确的方向，找适当的人交流，黑狗降临的日子一定会过去。
I wouldn’t say that I am grateful for the black dog. But he has been an incredible teacher.
我不会说我感谢这条黑狗，但它却是个神奇的老师。
He forced me to re-evaluate and simplify my life.
它迫使我重新认识生活，让它变得更简单。
I learnt that rather than running away from my problems, it is better to embrace them.
我认识到与其逃避我的问题，不如迎接它们。
The black dog may always be a part of my life. But he would never be the beast that it was.
黑狗也许将永远是我生命的一部分，但它再不会是以前的那只野兽了。
We have an understanding.
我们达成了理解。
I’ve learnt through knowledge, patience, discipline and humour, the worst black dog can be made to heel.
通过学习知识、耐心、克制和幽默，最凶狠的黑狗也可以被制伏。
If you are in difficulty, never be afraid to ask for help.
假如你身处困境，一定不要害怕求助。
There is absolutely no shame in doing so; the only shame is missing out of life.
这样做一点都不丢人，只有错过生活才是遗憾。