美文阅读 （273）如果你的前任结婚了
If you’re in touch with your ex, it’s inevitable that you’ll eventually hear they’re getting married someday.
如果你与你的前任还有联系，你终会听到他有一天会结婚，这是不可避免的。
But how should you deal with the news?
但你应该如何处理这个消息呢？
Imagine you’re just casually scrolling through your social software, not really seeing anything that catches your interest.
想象一下，你只是随意浏览社交软件，但并没有发现任何你感兴趣的事情。
And then suddenly a familiar name pops up, a name that once crossed your lips very often. It’s the name of your ex.
然后突然间出现了一个熟悉的名字，这个名字曾经经常萦绕在你的嘴唇上。这是你的前任的名字。
So how should you go about this? What’s the best way to deal with the news?
那么你应该怎么做呢？处理这个消息的最好方法是什么？
Today I am gonna share some tips and stories with you.
今天跟大家分享一些小贴士和故事。
Adventure Yourself
去冒个险
New memories can overweigh old dusty ones. That’s just science.
新鲜的记忆会淡化那些老旧的记忆，这很科学。
So it can be really helpful to either plan a trip or just try something new.
出去旅个游，做点新鲜事儿都是很有帮助的。
This fall, an ex of mine got hitched and my best friend and I drove to Toronto on a whim.
我前任今年秋天结婚了，我和朋友们一时兴起，开车去了多伦多。
Exploring a new city was the perfect distraction and it also helped to be as far away from the scene of the crime as possible.
探索从未去过的城市成功地转移了我的注意力，也让我远离了那个伤心地，使我振作起来。
The distance was refreshing and the adventure was healing.
这次冒险非常治愈。
Have Your Friends Remind You ‘Why It Didn’t Work Out’
找个朋友点醒你
With all past relationships it can be easy to over-romanticize what you once had.
过去的已经过去，但是人往往容易觉得失去的才最美，并且不断美化失去的恋情。
Distance does make the heart grow fonder.
距离确实产生美啊。
The night my very first boyfriend got married, my best friends came over and opened a bottle of Dom Perignon I’d been saving.
我第一个男朋友结婚的那个晚上，我和闺蜜们一起开了我珍藏的香槟。
We proceeded to have a champagne “roast” of my ex and all the ways we were ultimately incompatible.
我们边喝边吐槽我前任，聊让我们最终分手的种种原因。
It was SO good to just make light of things and laugh about all of the reasons we were better off with other people.
我们开着玩笑，说找到新的男朋友我可能会过得更好，这感觉真是太棒了。
If this is a little dark for your taste, have your friends toast you and how badass you are.
如果这对你来说有点暗黑了，那就让你的朋友把你夸上天吧……
Know That However You Feel Is Fine
不管你是什么感受都可以
Sometimes it’s hard to decipher how exactly you’re feeling when an ex gets married.
其实，前任结婚的时候，你的内心感受一般都很复杂，难以表述。
You go from nostalgic to hurt to indignant and back again.
怀旧、伤心、愤愤不平……如此循环往复。
A good thing to do the weekend your ex gets married is just let yourself feel whatever you want.
前任结婚的那个周末，你还可以花上点时间，感受下自己的情绪。
You’re not pathetic if you are sad; you’re not cold-hearted if you’re not.
如果你很伤心，你也并不可悲；如果你不伤心，你也并不冷血。
If you’re still bitter, fine, and if you are genuinely happy for him, fantastic.
如果你还是难过，没问题，如果你真的为他开心，那就太棒了。
Limit social media stalking
别看TA朋友圈了
Especially if the relationship still stings or was fairly recent, the less you know about this wedding, the better.
尤其是当你还很在意这段感情，或者你们刚刚分手。关于婚礼，你知道的越少越好。
This fall when my most recent ex got married,
我最近的一个前任秋天结婚了，
I decided I could look at my ex’s Weibo once just so that my brain would know it was actually happening.
我决定去她的Weibo上看一眼，好让自己清醒一点。
I said I’d just look at the most recent one.
我决定只看她最新的一条（关于结婚的）状态。
It was very surreal and I completely lost my marbles for a second,
当时我失神了一会儿，
but would you believe me if I told you that after that I never looked again?
但在这之后，我都没再去社交媒体上看过她。你信吗？
Well, that’s true. All of that to say, less is definitely more if you are hurting.
是真的。告诉你，如果你难过，少看社交媒体为妙。
Marriage is not a race. It’s not even a valid measurement for success or happiness.
婚姻不是比赛，它也不是成功或幸福的衡量标准。
Someday, it may be your ex who finds out that you’re the one about to get married.
也许有一天，你的前任才是那个发现你即将结婚的人。
Then they would be the one going through all the steps mentioned above.
他们也许成为践行上述步骤的那个人。
But by then, you’d probably be too deliriously happy with your wedding to even care!
但到那时，你可能只顾着为婚礼开心而不在乎其他了！