那些给我勇气的双语美文 （41）逃离厌食梦魇
My name is Harriet, and I have hope that all the bad things I’ve been through can be turned into something good.
我叫哈利特。我希望我所经历过的苦难能转化成正能量。
That’s why I want to make this video and tell you my story.
所以我想借这个视频分享我的故事。
I remember having a negative body image for as long as I’ve had memories.
我记得自己从记事以来就有着糟糕的身材。
When I was around three years old, I clearly recall my father picking up another little girl and saying that he couldn’t pick me up anymore because I was too heavy.
在我三岁的时候，我清楚的记得我父亲抱起另一个小女孩，并说因为我太重了，他不再能抱起我了。
I learned what a calorie was at age five.
我5岁时，知道了卡路里。
I grew up watching my mother diet and exercise obsessively, which led me to stop eating breakfast and start only drinking weight loss shakes at age nine.
我看着母亲着魔地控制饮食和锻炼长大。这促使我在9岁时停止吃早餐并开始只喝减肥奶昔。
When I was about 10 years old, I started to feel self-conscious about my weight.
在我10岁左右时，我开始注重自己的体重。
By 11, I was restricting my eating severely, although I didn’t really know what I was doing.
到了11岁，我开始严格地节食。尽管我并不知道自己在做什么。
I didn’t yet know that I was developing an eating disorder.
我还没察觉到自己患了厌食症。
I made the connection between eating less and losing weight around the time I turned 13.
在13岁时，我把少吃东西和减肥联系到一起。
And by my freshman year of high school, I’d started exercising, counting calories, purging, and restricting to the point of hospitalization.
在我上初中的第一年我就开始锻炼，计算卡路里，吃泻药，限制饮食，以至到了最后住院的地步。
Now I’m 17, and I’ve spent the last three years of my life in and out of hospitals and recovery centers, because I’ve kept convincing everyone else around me that I was well enough to be home, even when I was really just learning more tricks to avoid getting caught.
现在我17岁了，过去的3年里，我反复地出入医院和康复中心，因为我不断地说服周围的人我已经康复到可以回家了。即使那只是我为避免被发现而耍的一些伎俩。
I lied to the people I loved most, and became someone completely unrecognizable.
我对我最爱的人说谎，成为了一个完全不同的人。
I sacrificed my strongest morals to protect something that was only hurting me and taking everything from me.
我摒弃了我最强烈的道德感，换来的却是对自己的不断伤害，对所有一切的掠夺。
In doing so, I’ve missed out on so much of my own life.
因为这些，我的人生错过了很多东西。
I don’t know who I am without my eating disorder.
除了我的厌食症，我不知道我是谁。
The one thing I know is what keeps me fighting.
我只知道我为何要不断抗争。
I want to be here. I wanna be able to accept the help, support and love that surrounds me every single day.
我想活着，我想接受每天时刻伴随着我的帮助、支持还有爱。
I am motivated to finally make the changes I know I need to make to discover who I really am.
我终于有勇气去做这些改变，这些非做不可的改变，去发现真正的自我。
When people ask me what I want to be when I grow up, I tell them that I want to be happy.
当人们问我，我长大后想做什么时，我告诉他们，我想变得快乐。
My goal is to make this year, the year I turn my life around.
我希望在这一年里，我的生活会有翻天覆地的变化。
I want to look back on this year and feel proud of myself.
我希望在回首这年时能为自己骄傲。
My name is Harriet, and I have hope.
我叫哈利特，我满怀希望。
I hope that people who don’t know what it’s like to have an eating disorder will have compassion for those who are struggling.
我希望那些不了解患上厌食症的感受的人能对正在抗争中的人抱有同情。
I hope that people who do have eating disorders will feel like they have a voice, and that they will feel less guilty, alone, and hopeless.
我希望那些患有厌食症的人能够学会发出自己的声音，从而感觉不那么愧疚、孤独、无助。
If my story resonates with even one single person, I will feel like my entire journey has been worthwhile.
只要我的故事引起了一个人的共鸣，那么我的整个人生旅程便是值得的。
Having an eating disorder may not be a choice, but you can choose to beat this. I can beat this.
患上厌食症也许是出于无奈，但是你可以选择与之抗争，就像我一样。
You are strong enough. I am strong enough.
你足够的强大，我足够的强大。
You are beautiful enough. And I am beautiful enough.
你足够的漂亮，我也足够的漂亮。
You are enough. My name is Harriet, and I am enough.
你就是你。我叫哈利特，我就是我。