OWNED BY PARROT01

I and my colleagues Art Aron and Lucy Brown and others, have put 37 people who are madly in love into a functional MRI brain scanner. 17 who were happily in love, 15 who had just been dumped, and we’re just starting our third experiment: studying people who report that they’re still in love after 10 to 25 years of marriage. So, this is the short story of that research.

我和阿尔特.阿伦、露西.布朗还有其他同事 对37位处在恋爱不同阶段的人的大脑 进行了核磁共振测试， 其中17位正享受爱情带来的幸福，而15位则刚刚被甩。 我们刚刚开始第三项实验： 研究那些在10到25年后 仍然处在爱恋中的人们， 接下来是关于这项研究的一些介绍。

In the jungles of Guatemala, in Tikal, stands a temple. It was built by the grandest Sun King, of the grandest city-state, of the grandest civilization of the Americas, the Mayas. His name was Jasaw Chan K’awiil. He stood over six feet tall. He lived into his 80s, and he was buried beneath this monument in 720 AD. And Mayan inscriptions proclaim that he was deeply in love with his wife. So, he built a temple in her honor, facing his. And every spring and autumn, exactly at the equinox, the sun rises behind his temple, and perfectly bathes her temple with his shadow. And as the sun sets behind her temple in the afternoon, it perfectly bathes his temple with her shadow. After 1,300 years, these two lovers still touch and kiss from their tomb.

在危地马拉的丛林深处的提卡尔，矗立着一座神庙。 它由史上最显贵的太阳王建造， 位于最壮丽的城邦， 代表着美洲最伟大的古文明——玛雅。 这位君王，名曰Jasaw Chan K’awiil， 他体型魁梧， 并活到了八十余岁， 在公元720葬于提卡尔神庙。 按照玛雅碑文的说法， 他深爱着他的妻子。 他为妻子修建了一座神庙，正对着提卡尔神庙。 每到春分或秋分， 太阳在提卡尔神庙后升起， 而他妻子的神庙便浸浴在拖长的影子中。 到了下午落日之时， 他妻子的神庙的影子也会完全遮罩在提卡尔神庙上。 直到1300年后的今天， 这对恋人的陵墓依旧互相拥抱、亲吻。

Around the world, people love. They sing for love, they dance for love, they compose poems and stories about love. They tell myths and legends about love. They pine for love, they live for love, they kill for love, and they die for love. As Walt Whitman once said, he said, "Oh, I would stake all for you." Anthropologists have found evidence of romantic love in 170 societies. They’ve never found a society that did not have it.

世界各地的人都有不同的爱情。 人们为爱情歌唱，人们因爱情起舞， 人们通过诗赋和故事来抒发爱情。 人们讲述关于爱情的神话和传说。 人们渴望爱情，因爱而生， 人们为爱着迷，甚至为爱而死。 沃尔特.惠特曼曾说过： "我愿意为你赌上我的一切！" 人类学家在170个社会中发现了爱情存在的证据。 爱情普遍地存在于每一个人类社会。

But love isn’t always a happy experience. In one study of college students, they asked a lot of questions about love, but the two that stood out to me the most were, "Have you ever been rejected by somebody who you really loved?" And the second question was, "Have you ever dumped somebody who really loved you?" And almost 95 percent of both men and women said yes to both. Almost nobody gets out of love alive.

但爱情并不总是愉快的经历。 在一项针对大学生的调查中， 他们提出了很多关于爱情的问题， 其中的两个特别让我印象深刻， 一个是"你曾经被你真心爱着的人拒绝过吗？" 而另一个则是 "你曾经拒绝过真心爱着你的人吗？" 对于这两个问题，有95%的人作出了肯定的答复。 要活着走出爱情几乎是不可能的。

So, before I start telling you about the brain, I want to read for you what I think is the most powerful love poem on Earth. There’s other love poems that are, of course, just as good, but I don’t think this one can be surpassed. It was told by an anonymous Kwakiutl Indian of southern Alaska to a missionary in 1896, and here it is. I’ve never had the opportunity to say it before. "Fire runs through my body with the pain of loving you. Pain runs through my body with the fires of my love for you. Pain like a boil about to burst with my love for you, consumed by fire with my love for you.

那么，在开始讲述关于大脑的事情前， 我要读一段 在我看来最富深情的情诗。 当然，很多情诗都很不错， 但我认为它们都无法超越这首。 在1896年的南阿拉斯加，一位不知名的夸扣特尔印第安人 把它讲述给了一名传教士。 这是我第一次当众读它。 "爱你之痛如熊熊烈焰穿透我的身体； 对你如火一般的热恋让疼痛贯穿我的身体。 痛楚如沸水，饱含我对你的爱， 爱的火焰将其蒸发殆尽。

I remember what you said to me. I am thinking of your love for me. I am torn by your love for me. Pain and more pain — where are you going with my love? I am told you will go from here. I am told you will leave me here. My body is numb with grief. Remember what I said, my love. Goodbye, my love, goodbye." Emily Dickinson once wrote, "Parting is all we need to know of hell." How many people have suffered in all the millions of years of human evolution? How many people around the world are dancing with elation at this very minute? Romantic love is one of the most powerful sensations on Earth.

我仍记得你对我说的话， 我想着你对我的爱， 它将我的躯体撕裂。 疼痛，更多的疼痛， 你要把我的爱带至何处？ 你对我说，你将从这里出发； 你对我说，你将在这儿把我遗弃。 我因此悲痛，因此失去知觉。 带上我的只言片语，我的爱人！ 再见，吾爱，再见！ 艾米莉.狄金森曾写道， "人因离别而品尝地狱" 在人类百万余年的进化过程中， 有多少人曾遭受这样的痛苦？ 而此时此刻， 世界各地又有多少人在尽情跳舞？ 爱情是世上最有力的感情。

So, several years ago, I decided to look into the brain and study this madness. Our first study of people who were happily in love has been widely publicized, so I’m only going to say a very little about it. We found activity in a tiny, little factory near the base of the brain called the ventral tegmental area. We found activity in some cells called the A10 cells, cells that actually make dopamine, a natural stimulant, and spray it to many brain regions.

所以多年之前，我决定研究 大脑中的这种狂热的情感。 我们第一项对处在幸福爱恋中的人们的研究 得到了很好地宣传， 因此我只简短地介绍一下。 我们发现在大脑底部附近有一块活跃的微小的区域 ——腹侧背盖区。 其中活跃的细胞称为ApEn细胞。 实际上，这种细胞制造了多巴胺——一种天然的兴奋剂， 并将它散发到大脑的众多区域。

Indeed, this part, the VTA, is part of the brain’s reward system. It’s way below your cognitive thinking process. It’s below your emotions. It’s part of what we call the reptilian core of the brain, associated with wanting, with motivation, with focus and with craving. In fact, the same brain region where we found activity becomes active also when you feel the rush of cocaine.

准确地说来，这里腹侧背盖区是大脑奖励系统的一部分。 它运作在潜意识中， 也不受情绪控制。 腹侧背盖区也是被我们称作爬虫类脑核的部分。 它关系到欲求、动机、 专注和渴望。 事实上，这一片区域 在可卡因瘾发作时也会活跃起来。

But romantic love is much more than a cocaine high — at least you come down from cocaine. Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You can’t stop thinking about another human being. Somebody is camping in your head. As an eighth-century Japanese poet said, "My longing had no time when it ceases." Wild is love. And the obsession can get worse when you’ve been rejected.

但比起可卡因，爱情让它更加活跃—— 至少你还能从可卡因中回过神来。 爱情萦绕于心，占据着你。 你失去自我意识， 不能自主地去想他 ——他一直盘踞在你脑中。 就如8世纪的一位日本诗人所说， "我的渴求永不停止。" 爱情是狂热的。 当你被抛弃之后，牵挂会更深。

So, right now, Lucy Brown and I, the neuroscientist on our project, are looking at the data of the people who were put into the machine after they had just been dumped. It was very difficult actually, putting these people in the machine, because they were in such bad shape. (Laughter) So anyway, we found activity in three brain regions. We found activity in the brain region, in exactly the same brain region associated with intense romantic love.

我和项目组中的神经系统学家露西.布朗 当下正在研究 被抛弃的人们的核磁共振测试数据。 但说服他们 进行测验实在是困难， 因为他们心情实在是太糟了。 （笑） 总之，我们在大脑中发现了三个与之有关的区域。 我们在那块大脑区域， 也就是腹侧背盖区， 找到了与热恋相关的大脑活动。

What a bad deal. You know, when you’ve been dumped, the one thing you love to do is just forget about this human being, and then go on with your life — but no, you just love them harder. As the poet Terence, the Roman poet once said, he said, "The less my hope, the hotter my love." And indeed, we now know why. Two thousand years later, we can explain this in the brain. That brain system — the reward system for wanting, for motivation, for craving, for focus — becomes more active when you can’t get what you want. In this case, life’s greatest prize: an appropriate mating partner.

这是多么坏的事情啊！ 当你被甩之后， 你会想着要忘掉他， 并继续你的正常生活， 但事与愿违，你只会更爱他了。 就像罗马诗人特伦斯曾说过的： "我的祈求越少，我的爱情便越炽烈。" 时至今日，我们知道这是为什么了。 2000年后的今天，我们能够解释大脑中的这一过程。 大脑中的奖赏系统 与欲望、动机、渴望和专注有关， 它在你不能得到你所要的时，反而变得更加活跃。 倘若如此，生命中最大的奖赏即是： 一个适当的约会对象。

We found activity in other brain regions also — in a brain region associated with calculating gains and losses. You know, you’re lying there, you’re looking at the picture, and you’re in this machine, and you’re calculating, you know, what went wrong. How, you know, what have I lost? As a matter of fact, Lucy and I have a little joke about this. It comes from a David Mamet play, and there’s two con artists in the play, and the woman is conning the man, and the man looks at the woman and says, "Oh, you’re a bad pony, I’m not going to bet on you." And indeed, it’s this part of the brain, the core of the nucleus accumbens, actually, that is becoming active as you’re measuring your gains and losses. It’s also the brain region that becomes active when you’re willing to take enormous risks for huge gains and huge losses.

我们发现大脑中 计算得失的区域也与爱情有关。 测试者躺在核磁共振仪中， 看着昔日爱人的照片， 然后开始回想到底是什么出错了。 我失去了什么？ 事实上，露西和我对此开过一些玩笑。 在大卫.梅米特的一部剧中， 有两个行骗高手， 其中女士在勾引男士， 于是他看着那位女士说： "你真调皮，我是不会犯错的。" 当你在计算得失时， 大脑中的这部分——伏隔核的核心 变得活跃起来。 当你要因为得到或失去 而去冒巨大的风险时， 它也会变得活跃。 L

Last but not least, we found activity in a brain region associated with deep attachment to another individual. No wonder people suffer around the world, and we have so many crimes of passion. When you’ve been rejected in love, not only are you engulfed with feelings of romantic love, but you’re feeling deep attachment to this individual. Moreover, this brain circuit for reward is working, and you’re feeling intense energy, intense focus, intense motivation and the willingness to risk it all to win life’s greatest prize.

最后，我们还在一块区域中 发现了与深度依恋有关的大脑活动。 难怪世界各地的人们都遭受着痛苦， 难怪我们中这么多人被负心的情人伤害 当你被爱抛弃时， 你不仅被对爱情的渴望吞没， 而且感到对他深深的依恋。 此外，大脑的奖赏回路开始工作， 这使得你感到强烈的精力，强烈的专注， 强烈的干劲，和想要不顾一切地 赢得生命中最高奖赏的愿望。

So, what have I learned from this experiment that I would like to tell the world? Foremost, I have come to think that romantic love is a drive, a basic mating drive. Not the sex drive — the sex drive gets you out there, looking for a whole range of partners. Romantic love enables you to focus your mating energy on just one at a time, conserve your mating energy, and start the mating process with this single individual.

那么，关于这次实验， 我又有什么样的体会要分享给全世界呢？ 最重要的一点，我的结论是 爱情是人类最基本的寻求配对的冲动。 这不是性冲动——性冲动让你寻找 能够成为性伴侣的人。 而爱情让你同时只对一个人产生配对的冲动， 并节制地使用它， 开始同他恋爱。

I think of all the poetry that I’ve read about romantic love, what sums it up best is something that is said by Plato, over 2,000 years ago. He said, "The god of love lives in a state of need. It is a need. It is an urge. It is a homeostatic imbalance. Like hunger and thirst, it’s almost impossible to stamp out." I’ve also come to believe that romantic love is an addiction: a perfectly wonderful addiction when it’s going well, and a perfectly horrible addiction when it’s going poorly.

我脑海中浮现出读过的所有关于爱情的诗篇， 其中最适合概括这一点的是 2000多年前的诗人柏拉图的一首诗， "爱神栖于爱欲之国。 爱是欲求，是冲动， 是恒久的失衡。 如饥似渴，不能熄灭。" 我同样也相信爱情让人成瘾： 爱若甜蜜，人们沉溺其中； 爱若苦涩，人们深陷其中，难以自拔。

And indeed, it has all of the characteristics of addiction. You focus on the person, you obsessively think about them, you crave them, you distort reality, your willingness to take enormous risks to win this person. And it’s got the three main characteristics of addiction: tolerance, you need to see them more, and more, and more; withdrawals; and last, relapse. I’ve got a girlfriend who’s just getting over a terrible love affair. It’s been about eight months, she’s beginning to feel better.

确然，爱情拥有成瘾的所有特征， 你专注于他，执念于他， 渴望得到他，并扭曲现实， 愿不顾一切以赢得他的爱。 成瘾的三个主要特征也在爱情上得以体现： 首先是耐受性——你总是想要得到更多以维持最初的感觉， 而后耐受性消退，最后又复发。 我的一位女朋友刚从一段痛苦的恋情中恢复过来， 经过了八个月，她终于好多了。

And she was driving along in her car the other day, and suddenly she heard a song on the car radio that reminded her of this man. And she — not only did the instant craving come back, but she had to pull over from the side of the road and cry. So, one thing I would like the medical community, and the legal community, and even the college community, to see if they can understand, that indeed, romantic love is one of the most addictive substances on Earth.

这之后的一天，她正开着车， 收音机里的一首歌 让她又想起了那个男人。 于是，瞬时的渴望充满全身， 她控制不住情绪，把车停在路边， 大哭了一场。 因此，我希望医学界、 法学界和高教界 都关注到上述这一点： 爱情确实是世界上最让人成瘾的东西。

I would also like to tell the world that animals love. There’s not an animal on this planet that will copulate with anything that comes along. Too old, too young, too scruffy, too stupid, and they won’t do it. Unless you’re stuck in a laboratory cage — and you know, if you spend your entire life in a little box, you’re not going to be as picky about who you have sex with — but I’ve looked in a hundred species, and everywhere in the wild, animals have favorites. As a matter of fact ethologists know this. There are over eight words for what they call "animal favoritism:" selective proceptivity, mate choice, female choice, sexual choice.

我还想分享一下关于动物爱情的故事。 世界上任何一种动物 都不会饥不择食地寻找活物进行交配。 太老的、太年轻的、太脏的或是太蠢笨的，它们都不会选择。 除非你把它们关在实验室的笼子里—— 当然，如果你在笼子里度过一生， 也不会那么挑食了。 在调查了一百个物种后， 我发现野外的每一个角落，每一只动物都有各自的心之归属。 事实上，生态学家知道这些。 用四个词可以概括动物各自的偏爱： 选择性感知，配偶选择，雌性选择，性选择。 这儿有三篇学术文章 涉及到了这种吸引力。

And indeed, there are now three academic articles in which they’ve looked at this attraction, which may only last for a second, but it’s a definite attraction, and either this same brain region, this reward system, or the chemicals of that reward system are involved. In fact, I think animal attraction can be instant — you can see an elephant instantly go for another elephant. And I think that this is really the origin of what you and I call "love at first sight."

虽然这种吸引力也许只维持一秒， 但它确实是存在的。 而且牵涉到大脑中到腹侧背盖区和奖赏系统 （更确切的说是奖赏系统中的相关化学物质）。 事实上，我相信动物间的吸引力是可以即刻产生的—— 我们能看到，大象有时会突然被另一头大象吸引。 我相信这就是我们所说的 "一见钟情"的源头。

People have often asked me whether what I know about love has spoiled it for me. And I just simply say, "Hardly." You can know every single ingredient in a piece of chocolate cake, and then when you sit down and eat that cake, you can still feel that joy. And certainly, I make all the same mistakes that everybody else does too, but it’s really deepened my understanding and compassion, really, for all human life. As a matter of fact, in New York, I often catch myself looking in baby carriages and feeling a little sorry for the tot. And in fact, sometimes I feel a little sorry for the chicken on my dinner plate, when I think of how intense this brain system is. Our newest experiment has been hatched by my colleague, Art Aron — putting people who are reporting that they are still in love, in a long-term relationship, into the functional MRI. We’ve put five people in so far, and indeed, we found exactly the same thing. They’re not lying. The brain areas associated with intense romantic love still become active, 25 years later.

人们常问我是不是 因为研究爱情太多而没了爱的兴致。 这基本是不可能的。 就如同在了解一块巧克力蛋糕中的所有成份后， 我仍然能够品味 吃蛋糕的乐趣。 我也同样会 犯大家都会犯的错， 但这些经历加深了我的对爱情的理解， 并让我对所有人都更有爱心。 比如，我在纽约时， 常看着婴儿车里的小孩，并感到一丝同情。 有时，当想到大脑是多么富有感情， 我会对餐桌上的鸡 抱有歉意。 我们最近的实验 由我的同事阿尔特.阿伦操作进行， 内容是对长期相处后仍能够保持相恋的情侣们 进行核磁共振测试。 至此，我们一共测试了5对这样的情侣， 并发现了他们共同的特点。 在他们相恋25年后， 他们大脑中与热恋相关的区域 仍然保持活跃。

There are still many questions to be answered and asked about romantic love. The question that I’m working on right this minute — and I’m only going to say it for a second, and then end — is, why do you fall in love with one person, rather than another? I never would have even thought to think of this, but Match.com, the Internet-dating site, came to me three years ago and asked me that question. And I said, I don’t know. I know what happens in the brain, when you do become in love, but I don’t know why you fall in love with one person rather than another. And so, I’ve spent the last three years on this. And there are many reasons that you fall in love with one person rather than another, that psychologists can tell you. And we tend to fall in love with somebody from the same socioeconomic background, the same general level of intelligence, the same general level of good looks, the same religious values. Your childhood certainly plays a role, but nobody knows how. And that’s about it, that’s all they know. No, they’ve never found the way two personalities fit together to make a good relationship.

关于爱情 还有很多未解开的迷。 现在我简短地说一下 我正研究问题： 为什么你会爱上他，而不是别人？ 原本我并没有想要去思考这个问题， 但在三年前，一个约会网站Match.com找到我， 并问了我这个问题。 我只能说"我不知道"。 我所知道的是人们恋爱时，大脑中到底发生了什么， 但我却不知道 为什么他就是你命中注定的爱人。 所以，这三年我都在思考这个问题。 心理学家告诉我们 一定有很多原因使你爱上他，而不是另一个人。 我们会倾向于 在同等的社会、经济背景， 同样智力水平， 同等的相貌， 以及相同的宗教信仰中找到自己的爱人。 而童年的经历也会影响人们的爱情，但如何作用却无人知晓。 就是这些，心理学家知道的只有这些。 而且，他们不知道在良好的关系中， 双方的人格是如何配合的。

So, it began to occur to me that maybe your biology pulls you towards some people rather than another. And I have concocted a questionnaire to see to what degree you express dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testosterone. I think we’ve evolved four very broad personality types associated with the ratios of these four chemicals in the brain. And on this dating site that I have created, called Chemistry.com, I ask you first a series of questions to see to what degree you express these chemicals, and I’m watching who chooses who to love. And 3.7 million people have taken the questionnaire in America.

因此，我开始思考 为什么我们接近这一群人，而不是其他人， 这是不是有生物上的解释。 为此，我做了一份问卷调查， 以探明人们如何显现多巴胺、血清素、雌激素和睾丸激素的性状。 我相信这四种物质在大脑中的不同配比 让人类演化出了四种非常普遍的人格类型。 所以我在Mating.com上创建了一个子站：Chemistry.com。 第一部分的问题 用来确认上述四种物质在你的大脑中是如何显现性状的。 最后网站记录下是谁选择了谁。

About 600,000 people have taken it in 33 other countries. I’m putting the data together now, and at some point — there will always be magic to love, but I think I will come closer to understanding why it is you can walk into a room and everybody is from your background, your same general level of intelligence, your same general level of good looks, and you don’t feel pulled towards all of them. I think there’s biology to that. I think we’re going to end up, in the next few years, to understand all kinds of brain mechanisms that pull us to one person rather than another.

总共有370万美国人和 60万来自其他33个国家的人做了这项测试。 我正在对测试数据进行整理。 一定程度上，爱情总是神秘的， 但我相信我会逐步接近问题的答案—— 当你走进一间房间时， 每一个人都是和你同样的背景， 你们处在同样的智力水平上， 你们有同等的相貌， 但为什么你不会被所有这些人所吸引？ 我认为这一定有生物学上的解释。 我想几年之内 我们就可以理解大脑 是如何让我们找到我们唯一爱的人。

So, I will close with this. These are my older people. Faulkner once said, "The past is not dead, it’s not even the past." Indeed, we carry a lot of luggage from our yesteryear in the human brain. And so, there’s one thing that makes me pursue my understanding of human nature, and this reminds me of it. These are two women. Women tend to get intimacy differently than men do. Women get intimacy from face-to-face talking. We swivel towards each other, we do what we call the "anchoring gaze" and we talk. This is intimacy to women. I think it comes from millions of years of holding that baby in front of your face, cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words. Men tend to get intimacy from side-by-side doing.

那样，我就更接近答案了。 这是我的父母。 福克纳曾说过："过去未曾消逝， 它们还留在心中。" 确实是这样，我们把从过去带来的大量的行李 堆放在大脑中。 我心里总存在一种力量， 让我想要理解人性， 而这也让我想到了这幅照片。 这是两个女人。 女人们倾向于更亲昵的言行而不像男人们那样。 女人们从面对面的交谈中获得了亲切感， 我们转向对方， 并在交谈中注视着对方。 这就是女性相互理解的方式。 我想这是源于长久的进化岁月中， 女人总是把婴儿抱在面前， 哄他们、训诫他们、教导他们。 而男人们总是在侧坐的交谈中找到亲切感。

(Laughter)

（笑）

As soon as one guy looks up, the other guy will look away.

当一个人看着对方时，另一个人会望向别处。

(Laughter)

（笑）

I think it comes from millions of years of standing behind that — sitting behind the bush, looking straight ahead, trying to hit that buffalo on the head with a rock.

我想这源自远古时期， 男人们藏在灌木丛中， 看着前方， 并想着用手中的石块砸向野牛的头。

I think, for millions of years, men faced their enemies, they sat side by side with friends. So my final statement is: love is in us. It’s deeply embedded in the brain. Our challenge is to understand each other. Thank you. (Applause)

（笑）

在数万年的人类历史中，男人们和朋友坐在一起， 一起面对共同敌人。 所以我的主张是：爱就在我们心中。 它深深地扎根在大脑中。 理解对方是我们所追求的目标。谢谢大家！ （掌声）