Eve Ensler演讲： Suddenly, my body
在Ensler看来，传播信息的最佳途径无异于分享故事。现在的她，更多的是从身体的角度来看世界，世界其实就蕴藏在身体之中，包括V世界。身体本身就是一个世界，所有的物种都蕴藏其中，而她也认为我们很有必要把身体至于头脑之上。这样的分离常常也分量了目的和原因。而身体和大脑的联系又将这些事情综合在一起。Eve Ensler在TED有好几次演讲，前几次都是在讲女性，但这次是讲她自己。她自己的身体，她对世界的理解，她将世界与她融为一体的体验。里面会出现一些平常在公众面前不会提到的词（大家懂的），可是这个人是不同的，所以她可以讲，义正词严地勇敢地讲。
Eve Ensler: Suddenly, my body英语演讲稿：
For a long time, there was me, and my body. Me was composed of stories, of cravings, of strivings, of desires of the future. Me was trying not to be an outcome of my violent past, but the separation that had already occurred between me and my body was a pretty significant outcome. Me was always trying to become something, somebody. Me only existed in the trying. My body was often in the way.
有很长一段时间， 我和我的躯体是分离的。 我由故事组成， 由渴望，奋斗组成， 由对未来的期望组成。 我努力尝试 不要变成我那暴力过去的结果 但分裂已经发生了， 在我和我的身体之间， 并且带来了严重的后果。 我总在努力成为某人，某物， 我一直在尝试当中， 但我的身体阻碍着我。
Me was a floating head. For years, I actually only wore hats. It was a way of keeping my head attached. It was a way of locating myself. I worried that [if] I took my hat off I wouldn’t be here anymore. I actually had a therapist who once said to me, “Eve, you’ve been coming here for two years, and, to be honest, it never occurred to me that you had a body.” All this time I lived in the city because, to be honest, I was afraid of trees. I never had babies because heads cannot give birth. Babies actually don’t come out of your mouth.
我只是一个漂浮的头颅， 很多年来，我一直带帽子， 这是一种让我的头保持附着的办法， 让我知道身处何方。 我曾经担心如果我摘掉帽子 我就不会站在这里了。 我的治疗师曾经对我说， “ 伊芙,你已经来这里两年了 说实话，对我来说，你好像从没有感受自己的身体”。 这么长时间以来，我一直居住在城市， 说实话，是因为 我害怕树木。 我没有孩子 因为头脑不能生产孩子， 孩子也不是从口中走出。
As I had no reference point for my body, I began to ask other women about their bodies — in particular, their vaginas, because I thought vaginas were kind of important. This led to me writing “The Vagina Monologues,” which led to me obsessively and incessantly talking about vaginas everywhere I could. I did this in front of many strangers. One night on stage, I actually entered my vagina. It was an ecstatic experience. It scared me, it energized me, and then I became a driven person, a driven vagina.
因为我对我自身没有一个参照点， 我便开始询问别的女人关于她们的身体的问题—— 特别是，她们的阴道， 因为我认为阴道是很重要的。 这让我写了《阴道独白》， 这也让我痴迷不已 总是到处去讲阴道的故事。 在很多陌生人面前我也这样做。 有一晚在舞台上， 我真的进入了我的阴道， 那是一次欣喜的经历。 这吓坏我了，让我像触电一样， 接着，我成为一个被驱使的人， 一个被驱使的阴道。
I began to see my body like a thing, a thing that could move fast, like a thing that could accomplish other things, many things, all at once. I began to see my body like an iPad or a car. I would drive it and demand things from it. It had no limits. It was invincible. It was to be conquered and mastered like the Earth herself. I didn’t heed it; no, I organized it and I directed it. I didn’t have patience for my body; I snapped it into shape. I was greedy. I took more than my body had to offer. If I was tired, I drank more espressos. If I was afraid, I went to more dangerous places.
我开始把我的身体当成一个物体， 一个可以走得很快的物体， 一个可以完成其他事情的物体， 可以同时做很多事情。 我开始把我的身体当成是一个Ipad 或者一辆汽车。 我可以驾驭我的身体并且命令它。 它没有限制，不可战胜。 我的身体就像地球一样，可以被征服被掌控。 我以前没有注意这些； 不，我组织了它，我指挥它。 我对我的身体没有耐心， 我把身体塑造成我理想的模样。 我曾是贪婪的， 我对我身体索取，甚至多余它所能承受的， 如果我累了，我就喝更多的浓咖啡， 如果我恐惧，我去更加危险的地方，
Oh sure, sure, I had moments of appreciation of my body, the way an abusive parent can sometimes have a moment of kindness. My father was really kind to me on my 16th birthday, for example. I heard people murmur from time to time that I should love my body, so I learned how to do this. I was a vegetarian, I was sober, I didn’t smoke. But all that was just a more sophisticated way to manipulate my body — a further disassociation, like planting a vegetable field on a freeway.
哦，当然当然，我也曾感激我的身体， 就像那种粗暴谩骂的父母 偶尔也有片刻仁慈。 例如，就像我父亲 在我16岁生日那天对我非常好。 我时常听到有人私下嘀咕说 我应该爱我的身体， 所以我学会了如何爱我的身体。 我曾是个素食主义者，我不饮酒也不抽烟， 但这都只是更精巧的方法 还是为了操纵使用我的身体—— 使我的精神和身体进一步分离， 就好象在高速道路上种植一片蔬菜地。
As a result of me talking so much about my vagina, many women started to tell me about theirs — their stories about their bodies. Actually, these stories compelled me around the world, and I’ve been to over 60 countries. I heard thousands of stories, and I have to tell you, there was always this moment where the women shared with me that particular moment when she separated from her body — when she left home. I heard about women being molested in their beds, flogged in their burqas, left for dead in parking lots, acid burned in their kitchens. Some women became quiet and disappeared. Other women became mad, driven machines like me.
关于我的阴道我谈论了很多， 结果很多女人开始跟我谈论她们的阴道—— 关于她们身体的故事。 事实上，这些故事驱使我走遍世界， 我去过60多个国家了， 我听过成千的故事。 但是我不得不说，那些女士通常在那样的 环境开始跟我分享她们的故事 这个她跟身体分离的特别时刻—— 当她离开家庭。 我听到过女人们在床上被侵犯， 身穿罩袍被鞭打， 在停车场被弃置死亡， 在厨房被腐蚀液体烧伤。 有些女人变得沉默、并消失了， 另一些则变疯了，或者，成为被驱使的机器，跟我一样。
In the middle of my traveling, I turned 40 and I began to hate my body, which was actually progress, because at least my body existed enough to hate it. Well my stomach — it was my stomach I hated. It was proof that I had not measured up, that I was old and not fabulous and not perfect or able to fit into the predetermined corporate image in shape. My stomach was proof that I had failed, that it had failed me, that it was broken. My life became about getting rid of it and obsessing about getting rid of it. In fact, it became so extreme I wrote a play about it. But the more I talked about it, the more objectified and fragmented my body became. It became entertainment; it became a new kind of commodity, something I was selling.
在我的旅行中， 我度过了40岁生日，然后我开始憎恨我的身体， 这实际上是个进步， 因为至少我认可身体的存在了，我才懂得去讨厌它。 啊，我的肚子，我讨厌我的肚子。 事实上证明 我老了，不够好，也不完美， 身材上也无法迎合目前既定的社会标准形态。 我的肚子证明我一败涂地， 我的肚子辜负了我，形同破烂。 我整个人就一直在纠结怎么能处理了它， 事实上，这就走极端了。 我写了一部关于它的剧本。 但是我谈论的越多， 我的身体变得越客体化和支离破碎。 这变成了一种娱乐，一种新品货物， 一种我兜售的商品。
Then I went somewhere else. I went outside what I thought I knew. I went to the Democratic Republic of Congo. And I heard stories that shattered all the other stories. I heard stories that got inside my body. I heard about a little girl who couldn’t stop peeing on herself because so many grown soldiers had shoved themselves inside her. I heard an 80-year-old woman whose legs were broken and pulled out of her sockets and twisted up on her head as the soldiers raped her like that. There are thousands of these stories, and many of the women had holes in their bodies — holes, fistula — that were the violation of war — holes in the fabric of their souls. These stories saturated my cells and nerves, and to be honest, I stopped sleeping for three years.
后来，我去了其他地方。 我走出去 到一个我以为我知道的地方， 我去了刚果民主共和国。 我听到一些故事， 比其他所有的故事都令人震惊。 我听到那些 走进我身体里的故事。 我听到一个小女孩， 一直小便失禁， 因为有那么多成年士兵 对她施暴。 我听到一个80岁的老妇人， 她的腿被折断，被拉离髋臼 扭曲拉到头上来 士兵就是这样施暴于她。 这有数以千计这样的故事。 很多的女人身体都有创伤—— 有创口，有瘘洞—— 这些都是战争带来的残暴—— 她们灵魂深处的伤痕， 这些故事充满了我的细胞和神经。 说实话， 我失眠了三年。
All the stories began to bleed together. The raping of the Earth, the pillaging of minerals, the destruction of vaginas — none of these were separate anymore from each other or me. Militias were raping six-month-old babies so that countries far away could get access to gold and coltan for their iPhones and computers. My body had not only become a driven machine, but it was responsible now for destroying other women’s bodies in its mad quest to make more machines to support the speed and efficiency of my machine.
这些故事如血一般汇聚在一起。 这是对地球的强暴， 对矿产的掠夺， 对阴道的摧残， 所有这些事情变得 和我不分彼此了。 士兵对六个月大的婴童施暴 只为了遥远的某个国家 可获得黄金和矿物， 再来生产Iphone 和电脑。 我的身体不仅变成了一台被操控的机器， 它现在也要为 其它被摧残的女性身体负责 我会用更多的机器让我的身体 的机器运转更快，更有效，这是一个疯狂的目标。
Then I got cancer — or I found out I had cancer. It arrived like a speeding bird smashing into a windowpane. Suddenly, I had a body, a body that was pricked and poked and punctured, a body that was cut wide open, a body that had organs removed and transported and rearranged and reconstructed, a body that was scanned and had tubes shoved down it, a body that was burning from chemicals. Cancer exploded the wall of my disconnection. I suddenly understood that the crisis in my body was the crisis in the world, and it wasn’t happening later, it was happening now.
后来，我有了癌症—— 或者说我发现我得了癌症。 这就像一只高速飞行的鸟 一下撞进窗口，摔得粉碎。 忽然之间，我感觉到了身体， 一个能被刺痛 能被戳进 能被切开的身体， 可以拿走器官 移植，重新调配，再造的身体。 一个能被扫描的身体， 一个插着导管的身体， 一个有化学反应的身体。 这是癌症炸开了 我那被隔绝于心的墙。 我忽然意识到我身体的危机 就是这个世界的危机， 它不是将要发生， 它正在发生。
Suddenly, my cancer was a cancer that was everywhere, the cancer of cruelty, the cancer of greed, the cancer that gets inside people who live down the streets from chemical plants — and they’re usually poor — the cancer inside the coal miner’s lungs, the cancer of stress for not achieving enough, the cancer of buried trauma, the cancer in caged chickens and polluted fish, the cancer in women’s uteruses from being raped, the cancer that is everywhere from our carelessness.
忽然，我的癌症充满了这个世界， 残忍的癌症，贪婪的癌症， 那是的人内心的癌症， 那些住在化工厂附近穷人们的癌症， 那些煤矿工人们肺里的癌症， 那些因不满足而导致的压力产生的癌症， 那些被掩盖创伤的癌症， 那些圈养的鸡和被污染的鱼的癌症， 那些被强暴的女性子宫中的癌症， 癌症存在于任何一个我们忽视的地方。
In his new and visionary book, “New Self, New World,” the writer Philip Shepherd says, “If you are divided from your body, you are also divided from the body of the world, which then appears to be other than you or separate from you, rather than the living continuum to which you belong.” Before cancer, the world was something other. It was as if I was living in a stagnant pool and cancer dynamited the boulder that was separating me from the larger sea. Now I am swimming in it. Now I lay down in the grass and I rub my body in it, and I love the mud on my legs and feet. Now I make a daily pilgrimage to visit a particular weeping willow by the Seine, and I hunger for the green fields in the bush outside Bukavu. And when it rains hard rain, I scream and I run in circles.
在一本颇有前瞻性的新书， 《新自我，新世界》里， 作者谢菲尔德.飞利浦说， “若你分离于身体， 则你亦分离于世界之体， 成为另一个你， 或是由你分离而出， 而非连续统一体， 这本应是你的归依。 在患癌之前， 这个世界是不一样的 我就好像生活在一潭死水池塘里 癌症炸毁了池塘里 横亘于我和大海间的巨石。 现在我在其中畅游。 现在我躺在草地上， 让小草摩挲着身体， 我也喜欢让泥巴爬满我的脚和腿。 现在我每天冥修， 就在赛纳河边的一棵垂柳下。 我也渴望绿色田野 喜欢布卡武（刚果地名）之外灌木林中的绿地。 当天降大雨时， 我喜欢叫嚣乎东西，隳突乎南北。
I know that everything is connected, and the scar that runs the length of my torso is the markings of the earthquake. And I am there with the three million in the streets of Port-au-Prince. And the fire that burned in me on day three through six of chemo is the fire that is burning in the forests of the world. I know that the abscess that grew around my wound after the operation, the 16 ounces of puss, is the contaminated Gulf of Mexico, and there were oil-drenched pelicans inside me and dead floating fish. And the catheters they shoved into me without proper medication made me scream out the way the Earth cries out from the drilling.
我知道万事万物都是相连的， 那个留在我身上长长的疤痕 就是地震的印记。 我和三百万人一同站在太子港街道上（海地首都，2010年曾有大地震） 在我第三至六天的化疗里 我感到炙热如火 就像那世界森林 的熊熊大火。 我知道会有脓肿 手术后会伤口会长脓肿。 16盎司的脓液， 就像是被污染的墨西哥湾， 还有那些浑身沾满油污的鹈鹕 ， 和那些漂浮的死鱼。 那些在我身体的导管处理不当 令我痛得大叫， 就像地球被钻探而痛呼一样。
In my second chemo, my mother got very sick and I went to see her. And in the name of connectedness, the only thing she wanted before she died was to be brought home by her beloved Gulf of Mexico. So we brought her home, and I prayed that the oil wouldn’t wash up on her beach before she died. And gratefully, it didn’t. And she died quietly in her favorite place.
在我第二次化疗的时候， 我母亲已经病的很严重了， 我去探望她。 这也有关联的是， 她临终前唯一希望的事情 就是把她带回家 带至她至爱的墨西哥湾。 所以我们把她送回家， 我祈祷那些油污不要冲到她的海滩上 能让她安心离去。 很感恩，那里没有油污， 母亲在她喜爱的地方安详的去世了。
And a few weeks later, I was in New Orleans, and this beautiful, spiritual friend told me she wanted to do a healing for me. And I was honored. And I went to her house, and it was morning, and the morning New Orleans sun was filtering through the curtains. And my friend was preparing this big bowl, and I said, “What is it?” And she said, “It’s for you. The flowers make it beautiful, and the honey makes it sweet.” And I said, “But what’s the water part?” And in the name of connectedness, she said, “Oh, it’s the Gulf of Mexico.” And I said, “Of course it is.” And the other women arrived and they sat in a circle, and Michaela bathed my head with the sacred water. And she sang — I mean her whole body sang. And the other women sang and they prayed for me and my mother.
几周以后，我到了新奥尔良， 一个美丽的，而有灵性的朋友对我说， 她想为我做一次治疗。 我很荣幸。 一天早上，我去了她家。 那个清晨，新奥尔良的阳光透过窗帘倾泄进来， 我的朋友准备了一个大碗， 我问：“这是什么？” 她说，“这是给你的， 鲜花能让它美丽， 蜂蜜能使它甘甜。” 我说,”那水的韵意呢？“ 因为万物相连， 她说,”哦，那是墨西哥湾的水。” 我说，“当然.。” 其她女人踱步而入，她们围坐一圈， 米凯拉用圣水浸洗我的头部， 并吟唱，她整个身心都在唱歌。 其他的女人也开始和唱， 她们为我和我的母亲祈祷。
And as the warm Gulf washed over my naked head, I realized that it held the best and the worst of us. It was the greed and recklessness that led to the drilling explosion. It was all the lies that got told before and after. It was the honey in the water that made it sweet, it was the oil that made it sick. It was my head that was bald — and comfortable now without a hat. It was my whole self melting into Michaela’s lap. It was the tears that were indistinguishable from the Gulf that were falling down my cheek. It was finally being in my body. It was the sorrow that’s taken so long. It was finding my place and the huge responsibility that comes with connection. It was the continuing devastating war in the Congo and the indifference of the world. It was the Congolese women who are now rising up. It was my mother leaving, just at the moment that I was being born. It was the realization that I had come very close to dying — in the same way that the Earth, our mother, is barely holding on, in the same way that 75 percent of the planet are hardly scraping by, in the same way that there is a recipe for survival.
当温暖的海湾之水洗涤过我的光头， 我意识到，它保留着 我们最好的和最恶的东西。 是贪婪和轻妄 导致钻井爆炸。 所言皆是谎言 无论是之前和之后的。 是蜜糖让它变甜美 是污油让它令人厌。 我没有头发 没有帽子也感到舒服了。 我整个身心 融化在米凯拉的圈子里。 无法与港湾分开的是泪水 滑落过我的脸颊。 它最终回归我的身体。 它是愁苦悲伤， 存在多时， 最后，它找到了我 将那巨大的责任 和我连接起来。 它是战乱频仍的刚果 是冷漠相待的世界， 它是正在成长的 刚果妇女们， 它是我母亲的离去， 恰在此刻 我重获新生。 我意识到， 我与死亡已经很近—— 就像地球母亲， 快撑不住了， 就像这星球的75% 仍然在勉强维持， 同样地 也有生存之道。
What I learned is it has to do with attention and resources that everybody deserves. It was advocating friends and a doting sister. It was wise doctors and advanced medicine and surgeons who knew what to do with their hands. It was underpaid and really loving nurses. It was magic healers and aromatic oils. It was people who came with spells and rituals. It was having a vision of the future and something to fight for, because I know this struggle isn’t my own. It was a million prayers. It was a thousand hallelujahs and a million oms. It was a lot of anger, insane humor, a lot of attention, outrage. It was energy, love and joy. It was all these things. It was all these things. It was all these things in the water, in the world, in my body.
我所知的是 这需要关注和资源 这是每个人都应关注的。 它是倡导的朋友们， 是被溺爱的姐妹。 它是聪明的医生和先进的药品 以及双手灵活娴熟的外科医生， 它是那些低报酬却很可爱的护士们， 它是神奇的医疗者们和那些芳香油， 它是那些魔幻的人们。 它是对未来的憧憬 值得为之奋斗的东西 因为我知道，我不是一个人在战斗。 它是百万祈祷者。 它是千首颂扬歌 百万份荣耀。 它有许多怒火， 疯狂的幽默， 无数的关注和愤慨。 它是活力，爱和喜乐。 它是所有这一切 它是所有这一切 它是所有的这一切， 它是所有水中的，在世间的，和我身体中的一切。