克里斯致亲爱的蓓希(2)
In the film tonight there was a joke that the state of being in love was the happiest way of being miserable. So be miserable happily, don’t look over your shoulder too much, enjoy what is, so far as you can, and remember the old, wise tag ‘Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday’. I am a born worrier myself, but feel I could be all that you wanted me to be. Probably more important, I know that you are what I want, not in any limited sense, but in all. I want to confide in you. I want to creep into you. I want to protect you. That I am not capable is unimportant, what is significant is that you should think I am.
今晚的电影中有一则趣闻，说陷入爱河是痛苦中最快乐的方式。所以，快乐地享受痛苦吧，莫要过多地回首往昔，尽你所能享受当下，记住那句古老且明智的箴言:“今天是昨天担忧的明天”。我生却杞人忧天，但是我自信能够成为你想要我成为的那种人。也许更重要的是，我知道你就是我想要的那个人，不是在任何某种限定的意义上，而是在方方面面。我想向你吐露心声。我想与你耳鬓厮磨。我想此生护你周全。我有无能力并不重要，重要的是你相信我能做到。
My hands cannot caress you, my words strive hard to tell you all the things I dare. You spoke of yourself being ‘guilty of slobbering’ – it’s no crime. I am proud of it. If your incoherent babblings mean what mine do, it’s jolly good. Don’t worry about being bounced out of favour, and try to grow out of this engulfed – nothing belongs to oneself’ feeling. Regard me as a promise rather than a threat, and pick holse in me where you can – so that I seem less regal. Remember we are both in this together, and that it has somehow occurred undesignedly, unrehearsed, because we had it in us. Yes, I wish that I was with you. But life is hard – wishing won’t make it easy. My thoughts are with you far too often for my physical serenity and my mental equilibrium. During the day I simply lap you up and cause trouble at night. Engulfed describes my state, too, a rather floundering, uncertain one.
双手无法爱抚你的胴体，寥寥数语也难诉我（为你）赴汤蹈火的衷肠。你说有“垂涎”的罪恶感——这并不是罪恶。我为此感到自豪。如果你的语无伦次跟与我的胡言乱语不谋而合，那简直太好了。无需忧虑一片痴心错付，要试着摆脱这种被吞没的感觉——一个人的情感是没有附属的。视我为一则承诺而不是威胁，用挑剔的眼光审视我吧——好消散我身上“神圣的光环”。你要谨记，我俩陷入了爱河，缘分就是冥冥之中降临的，让人措手不及，是爱让我们相逢。没错，我希望能陪伴你身侧。奈何生活艰辛——空想也是徒劳。无时不刻都在想念你让我的身心平静。白天，拥你在怀，夜晚，床榻缠绵。我也被这种臆想“吞没”着，这样的状态十分挣扎，如梦如幻。
I wonder what you look like. Don’t have a special photograph taken. I know you haven’t a bus-back face but I have never looked at you as now I would. I wonder how many times I have seen you, and how many we have been alone. Now my foolish pulse races at the thought that you even have a figure. I want, very much, to touch you, to feel you, to see you as you naturally are, to hear you. I want to sleep and awaken with you. I want to live with you. I want to be strong and I want to be weak with you. I want you.
我很好奇你的长相。不要拍太特别的照片。我知道你长相出众，但是我从来没有像现在这样审视你。我不知道我见过你多少次，也不知道我们独处了多少次。现在一想到你曼妙的身段，我那不受控的脉搏就开始加速了。我渴望抚摸你，感受你，欣赏你最自然的模样，聆听你的呢喃。我想与你相拥而眠相视醒来。我想和你一起生活。无论顺逆，只愿与你携手共度。我，只想要你。
I want my letters to be of interest, so please let me know how and what you want me to write. On occasions, you’ll understand, I may not be in a position to write.
希望我的信不是太乏味，如果对写信的方式和内容有任何建议，请一定告知。有时候，你也理解，我可能不擅长写信。
Let me know if you think I am mad. When my signature dries I am going to kiss it. If you do the same, that will be a complete (unhygienic) circuit.
如果你认为我疯了，请务必告诉我。当我的签名风干后，我会亲吻它。如果你也这样做，这也算是(不太卫生的)“礼尚往来”了。
Yours,
爱你的，
Chris
克里斯