马修·麦康纳2015休斯顿大学毕业演讲(23)

Well, it was the night of the twelfth day of my 21-day trip. I’m settling into camp.

那是在21天旅行中第十二天的晚上。我在帐篷里安置了下来。

I’d already hiked 80 miles to this point and I had a three-day trek to Machu Pichu.

当时我已经徒步走了80英里,我还要坐三天的牛车前往马丘比丘。

And I was full-on sick of myself.

我对自己厌烦透了。

Wrestling with the loss of my anonymity, I was guilt ridden for sins of my past, I was a lot of regret.

不能再隐匿身份,这令我很纠结,我为自己过去的罪过感到惭愧无比,满是悔恨。

I was lonely, disgusted with my company: mine, and I was doing a pretty good job of mentally beating the shit out of myself.

我很孤独,对我的同伴——我自己充满厌恶之情,还在思想上层面狠狠批斗了自己一番。

Anyway, grappling with these demons on this night, I couldn’t sleep.

不管怎么说,由于那一晚同那些魔鬼斗争,我无法入睡。

All of these badges and banners and expectations and anxieties I was carrying with me: I needed to free myself from them.

我随身携带的所有的奖章、旗帜、期待和焦虑:我需要使自己摆脱它们。

“Who was I?” I asked myself, not only on this trip, but in this life. So I stripped down to nothing.

不光是在这次旅行中,在整个一生之中我都在扪心自问:“我曾经是谁?”所以我把自己剥得干干净净。

I took every moniker that gave me pride and confidence, all the window dressings, the packaging around the product.

我清除了所有给我带来骄傲和信心的标记,所有的窗户装饰物,产品外包装。

I discard them all. I got rid of my lucky and faithful American cap.

我把它们全都扔了。我丢掉了一直戴着的、给我带来幸运的美式帽子。

I stripped off my talismans from adventures past.

我摘掉了以往探险中得到的护身符。

I even discarded my late father’s gold ring with an M on it that he gave to me,

我甚至丢掉了已经过世了的父亲给我的金戒指,上面有个字母M。

and it was a meltdown of he and my mom’s class rings and gold from my mom’s teeth. I even got rid of that.

那是他和我妈妈的毕业戒指再加上妈妈的金牙融化后制成的。我把那也扔了。

I was naked. Literally and figuratively. And I got sick.

我赤身裸体。不论是字面意思还是比喻意思都是如此。我感到恶心。

Soaked in sweat, I threw up until there was no bile left in my belly, and finally passed out from exhaustion.

大汗淋漓,呕吐不止,直到吐光了胆汁,最终筋疲力尽,昏迷了过去。

Now, a few hours later, I awoke on this thirteenth morning to a rising sun. Surprisingly fresh and energized.

几个钟头后,我在旅行的第十三天的早晨醒了过来,看到一轮初升的太阳。我感到不可思议的精神抖擞。

I dressed, made some tea and I went for a morning walk.

我穿好衣服,泡了点儿茶喝,然后出去散步。

Not towards my destination Machu Pichu, but rather to nowhere in particular.

不是去我的目的地马丘比丘,而是漫无目的地闲逛。

My gut was still a bit piqued from last night’s purge,

由于前一晚的呕吐,我的肠道仍然有些不适,

but I curiously felt pretty good: felt alive, felt clean, felt free and light.

但奇怪的是我感觉相当不错:充满活力,洁净,自由轻松。

马修·麦康纳2015休斯顿大学毕业演讲

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