TED演讲:为什么要跟别人一样?(5)
Strangely, these revelations didn’t cure my low self-esteem, that feeling of otherness.
奇怪的是，这些启示并没有治愈我那缺少的自尊，那种被划为另类的感觉。
My desire to disappear was still very powerful.
我渴望消失的想法依旧十分强烈。
I had a degree from Cambridge; I had a thriving career,
我有一个剑桥的学位，我的事业蒸蒸日上，
but my self was a car crash, and I wound up with bulimia and on a therapist’s couch.
但我的自我却如同一场车祸，最终我患上贪食症并接受治疗。
And of course I did. I still believed my self was all I was.
我当然会这样。我依旧相信我的自我就是我的全部。
I still valued self-worth above all other worth, and what was there to suggest otherwise?
我依旧认为自我价值高于其余任何价值，不然还能怎样呢？
We’ve created entire value systems and a physical reality to support the worth of self.
我们创造了整个价值系统以及一个客观的现实，用以支持自我的价值。
Look at the industry for self-image and the jobs it creates, the revenue it turns over.
看看由个人形象带动的产业，还有它提供的工作以及它创造的价值。
We’d be right in assuming that the self is an actual living thing. But it’s not.
我们可能会假设这个自我是真实存在的。但我们错了。
It’s a projection which our clever brains create in order to cheat ourselves from the reality of death.
这只是一个投影，是由我们聪明的大脑创造出来的，来欺骗我们自己无需面对死亡的现实。
But there is something that can give the self ultimate and infinite connection — and that thing is oneness, our essence.
但总有一些事能赋予自我终极无尽的联系，那就是同一性，我们的本源。
The self’s struggle for authenticity and definition will never end unless it’s connected to its creator — to you and to me.
自我对于真实性和定义的挣扎永远不会停止，除非自我能够与创造者相连，与你，与我。
And that can happen with awareness — awareness of the reality of oneness and the projection of self-hood.
这和意识的觉醒一同存在，意识到同一性的现实以及自我的投影。
For a start, we can think about all the times when we do lose ourselves.
一开始，我们可以想想那些我们失去自我的时候。
It happens when I dance, when I’m acting. I’m earthed in my essence, and my self is suspended.
当我跳舞时，表演时，我根植于我的本源，我的自我被抑制了。
In those moments, I’m connected to everything — the ground, the air, the sounds, the energy from the audience.
在那些时刻，我与万物相连，大地，空气，声音，观众的能量。
All my senses are alert and alive in much the same way as an infant might feel — that feeling of oneness.
我的所有感官都是警觉和鲜活的，如同一个婴儿感受到的一般，那种同一性的感觉。
演员桑迪·牛顿讲述她是如何找到自己的“另一面”–先是作为一个在两种截然不同的文化中成长的小孩，然后作为一个饰演不同人物的演员。这是一场来自TEDGlobal 2011的温暖的、充满智慧的演讲。