TED演讲之什么是爱:爱,本无条件(2)
Should she say, "You're just like everyone else but a little bit shorter?"
她应该说“你和其他人一样，只是矮了点儿”？
Or should she try to construct some kind of dwarf identity,
还是去试图建立某种小矮人身份认同
get involved in the Little People of America,
加入美国小个子联盟
become aware of what was happening for dwarfs?
开始了解矮人生活圈的那些事？
And I suddenly thought,
然后我突然想到
most deaf children are born to hearing parents.
大多数耳聋孩子的父母，都是听力健全的
Those hearing parents tend to try to cure them.
那些听力健全的父母，总是试图去治愈他们的孩子
Those deaf people discover community somehow in adolescence.
那些聋人要差不多到青春期的时候，才开始接触聋人群体
Most gay people are born to straight parents.
大多数同性恋者的父母是异性恋
Those straight parents often want them to function
那些异性恋父母常常希望，他们的孩子表现得
in what they think of as the mainstream world,
如他们认为的主流世界所期望的那样
and those gay people have to discover identity later on.
那些同性恋者不得不长大后才寻找身份认同
And here was this friend of mine
再说说我的这个朋友
looking at these questions of identity with her dwarf daughter.
面对这些关于她小矮人女儿身份认同的问题
And I thought, there it is again:
然后我想，又是这样
A family that perceives itself to be normal
一个认为自己正常的家庭
with a child who seems to be extraordinary.
有着一个特殊的孩子
And I hatched the idea that there are really two kinds of identity.
我想，事实上，身份认同分为两种类型
There are vertical identities,
有垂直身份认同
which are passed down generationally from parent to child.
从父母到孩子，代代相传
Those are things like ethnicity, frequently nationality, language, often religion.
也有像是种族，国际，语言，宗教
Those are things you have in common with your parents and with your children.
你和你的父母,孩子拥有共同点,
And while some of them can be difficult,
而有些身份较难识别,
there's no attempt to cure them.
但并不需要尝试去改变
You can argue that it's harder in the United States —
你可以争辩说，在美国
our current presidency notwithstanding —
作为有色人种生存艰难
to be a person of color.
尽管我们现任的总统是有色人种
And yet, we have nobody who is trying to ensure
确实，没人试图去保证
that the next generation of children born to African-Americans and Asians
非洲裔美国人，亚洲裔的孩子们
come out with creamy skin and yellow hair.
生来就有着奶油色的皮肤和金黄的头发
There are these other identities which you have to learn from a peer group.
还有一些身份认同，是你从同龄人群中获得的
And I call them horizontal identities,
我称它们为水平身份认同
because the peer group is the horizontal experience.
因为和同伴一起活动，接触，是所谓的一种经验
These are identities that are alien to your parents
这些身份认同与你从父母处得来的不同
and that you have to discover when you get to see them in peers.
你需要通过接触同伴自己发掘
And those identities, those horizontal identities,
这种身份认同，我指的是水平身份认同
people have almost always tried to cure.
就是人们最希望去治愈的部分
And I wanted to look at what the process is
我想要研究的是，这是怎样的过程
through which people who have those identities
有着这些身份认同的人们
come to a good relationship with them.
是怎么和他们保持好的关系的
And it seemed to me that there were three levels of acceptance
在我看来，有三种
that needed to take place.
不同程度的接受
There's self-acceptance, there's family acceptance, and there's social acceptance.
这三种是，自我接受，家庭接纳，社会接纳
And they don't always coincide.
它们并不一定同步发生
And a lot of the time, people who have these conditions are very angry
很多时候，这样的人很易怒
because they feel as though their parents don't love them,
因为他们觉得，他们的父母并不爱他们
when what actually has happened is that their parents don't accept them.
真实的情况是，他的父母不接受他们
Love is something that ideally is there unconditionally
最理想的爱就是父母和孩子
throughout the relationship between a parent and a child.
之间那种无条件的爱
But acceptance is something that takes time.
但接受是需要时间
It always takes time.
接受总是需要时间的
One of the dwarfs I got to know was a guy named Clinton Brown.
我认识的一个小矮人，名叫克林顿布朗
When he was born, he was diagnosed with diastrophic dwarfism,
他出生的时候，就被诊断为畸形侏儒症
a very disabling condition,
他的残疾非常严重
and his parents were told that he would never walk, he would never talk,
他的父母被告知，他永久丧失行走能力和语言能力
he would have no intellectual capacity,
他也没有获取知识的能力
and he would probably not even recognize them.
他甚至也不会认识他的父母
And it was suggested to them that they leave him at the hospital
医院给他父母的建议是，把他留在医院
so that he could die there quietly.
他可以在那里平静地离世
And his mother said she wasn't going to do it.
他的母亲说，她不会这样做
And she took her son home.
她把她的儿子带回了家
And even though she didn't have a lot of educational or financial advantages,
尽管她没有什么学历，也不是很富有
she found the best doctor in the country
她还是找到了治疗畸形侏儒症
for dealing with diastrophic dwarfism,
全国最顶级的医生
and she got Clinton enrolled with him.
她让克林顿接受治疗
And in the course of his childhood,
他的童年
he had 30 major surgical procedures.
经历了 30次重大外科手术
And he spent all this time stuck in the hospital
他一直待在医院里
while he was having those procedures,
而正是这些治疗过程
as a result of which he now can walk.
让他现在有了行走的能力
And while he was there, they sent tutors around to help him with his school work.
他在住院期间，医院请了家庭教师来指导他的功课
And he worked very hard because there was nothing else to do.
他学习非常努力，因为他没有别的事可做
And he ended up achieving at a level
最终，他达到了
that had never before been contemplated by any member of his family.
他家庭内任何成员，都从未达到过的高度
He was the first one in his family, in fact, to go to college,
他是他的家庭成员里，第一个去上大学的人
where he lived on campus and drove a specially-fitted car
他住在学校宿舍并且自己开车
that accommodated his unusual body.
一辆为他身体状况特别制造的汽车
And his mother told me this story of coming home one day —
他的母亲告诉我一个故事
and he went to college nearby —
他去了家附近的大学
and she said, "I saw that car, which you can always recognize,
她说 "我看到了那部车，一眼就认出来是他的车子
in the parking lot of a bar," she said.
停在一家酒吧的停车场，"
"And I thought to myself, they're six feet tall, he's three feet tall.
"我想了想，他们六英尺高，他三英尺高
Two beers for them is four beers for him."
他们喝两瓶啤酒，在他那里就相当于四瓶啤酒"。
She said, "I knew I couldn't go in there and interrupt him,
她说，"我知道我不能走进去打扰他
but I went home, and I left him eight messages on his cell phone."
但我回家之后，给他发了八条短信
She said, "And then I thought,
她说，"我想
if someone had said to me when he was born
在他出生的时候，如果有人对我说，
that my future worry would be that he'd go drinking and driving with his college buddies — "
我未来的担心是，他会和他大学友人酒后驾车"
演讲简介：
养育一个和你有本质差异的孩子（他/她可能是神童，残疾人或罪犯）有着怎样的感触？在这个平和且感人至深的演讲中，作家安德鲁▪所罗门分享了他和诸多父母的交谈：关于无条件的爱和无条件的接纳之间的那条线
重点讲解：
1.get involved in 卷入；参与；涉及
例句：After being the citizens of Malaysia, Malaysia Indians began to get involved in the local political activities.
在加入马来西亚国籍后，他们才开始真正地参与当地政治。
2.later on 过后；随后；稍后
例句：And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on.
我跟着我的好奇心和知觉走，遇到的很多东西后来被证明是无价之宝。
3.pass down 传递；传下去
例句：If pass down, he can not conscientious to descendants.
如果传下去，他无法向子孙后代交代。
4.have in common with 与…有共同之处
例句：What do the President and First Lady have in common with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?
美国总统和第一夫人与布拉德皮特和安吉莉娜茱莉这两对名星夫妇有何共同点？
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